jocularity

[kidoggy]

A drunk man is being arrested
by a female police officer, who informs him," anything you say can and will be held
against you".
The man replies, "Boobs!"

 

[kidoggy]

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and asked him
"Little Johnny how do you want your wife to be like ?" Johnny thought for a minute and replied
"like the moon, " and the teacher said, "that's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful. "
Little Johnny responded, " No because it appears at night and disappears in the morning. "

 

[kidoggy]

I look at people sometimes and think

Are you kidding me ?
That's the sperm that Won ?

 

[kidoggy]

My small grandson got lost in the shopping mall.


He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"

The guard asked, "What's his name?"

"Papa"

The guard smiles then asked, "What's he like?"

My grandson hesitated for a moment then replied,
"8 year old bourbon and women with big tits"

 

[kidoggy]

few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at the bar.

I decided to break the ice with these new friends with a few jokes, most of them went down very well.

Until I decided to tell a few more offensive jokes. I picked the worst possible one to start off with.

Here is the joke I told;

"What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry in."

One of the friends instantly became enraged and took a swing at me. When I ask him what his problem was he replied that his little brother had been epileptic and had died in the bath many years ago.

Obviously I was mortified as I had not known this. I said "I am so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?"

"No" replied the guy, "he choked on a sock."

 

[kidoggy]

Why are the majority of archeologists women ?

Because of their natural ability to dig up the past !

 

[kidoggy]

WHAT IS THE BUFFALO THEORY?

"Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

-Cliff Clavin

 

[kidoggy]

The other night my g/f came over wearing a

skimpy maid outfit. The next night she showed up in a police uniform. Then she had on a nurse uniform, but when she showed up wearing a tool belt and hardhat I had to break it off with her. I don't want to date someone who can't hold a job

 

[kidoggy]

My wife was dying…


I was by her bedside.

She said in a tired voice, “There’s something I must confess..”

“Shhh.” I said, “There’s nothing to confess, everything’s alright.”

“No, I must die in peace… I had sex with your brother, your best friend, his best friend, and your father.”

“I know.” I whispered, “That’s why I poisoned your tea.”

 

[kidoggy]

A man was traveling on business, and the night before he came home he called his wife.

He told her, "When I get home, I want to make love with you so badly!"

She said, "I'm glad to hear you've stopped overestimating your abilities."

 

[kidoggy]

Patience:

What you have when there are too many witnesses !

 

[kidoggy]

“We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid,” “A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own house.”

 

[kidoggy]

corona virus - the new fad diet .

 

[kidoggy]

A man asks his wife," What would you do

if I won the lottery ?" His wife says, " I"d take half and leave your ass!" Happily the man
replies, "Great, I won $12 here's $6, now get out !"

 

[kidoggy]

Dave was getting robbed in the desert.

He gave the robber his money and asked the robber to shoot a few holes in his hat to make
it believable to his wife that he got robbed.
He then asked, "Shoot a few holes in the coat while your at it I want to look like I fought you and not a coward." After the robber shoot the coat Dave said, "Shoot a few holes.....' Please no more holes, I'm out of bullets."
" That's what I wanted to hear ,NOW give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat
BEFORE I beat you black and blue !

 

[kidoggy]

A ghost drifts into a bar at 3 am.

The bartender says: “sorry, we don’t serve spirits after 2 ”

 

[BrandonM]

I couldn't help myself...

 

[El Serio]

Why are archaeologists always depressed?

Their life's work is always in ruins.

 

[kidoggy]

Joe: "Everyone wants to have sex with me."

Barack: That's not what lets go brandon means!

 

[kidoggy]

Is it rude to invite a gender neutral person

to a gender reveal party?