BrandonM
Active Member
- Nov 9, 2011
- 209
- 243
Dude....that is priceless!!!!!
Reminds me of an old t-shirt I had which said, "I'm actually not funny. I'm just mean and people think I'm joking."
jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
Reminds me of an old t-shirt I had which said, "I'm actually not funny. I'm just mean and people think I'm joking."
People are being advised to buy
those surgical masks if they go anywhere where they may encounter a large group.
They are becoming scarce, but a spokesman for Home Depot was quoted as saying, "We have plenty. We just got a fresh shipment in from China."
those surgical masks if they go anywhere where they may encounter a large group.
They are becoming scarce, but a spokesman for Home Depot was quoted as saying, "We have plenty. We just got a fresh shipment in from China."
dustin ray
Veteran member
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to intrude on your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to intrude on your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
El Serio
Very Active Member
- Feb 1, 2018
- 502
- 1,329
A young couple is killed in a car crash on the way to their wedding. When they arrive at the Pearly Gates, they ask St. Peter if they can get married in heaven.
St Peter says "Let me look into it" and leaves. Hours pass, then days and weeks. After 3 months St Peter returns, looks at the long line backed up behind the couple, sighs and says "Yes, you can get married here".
The couple replies "After 3 months to think this over, we are wondering, if this marriage doesn't work out, is divorce possible in heaven?"
An exasperated St Peter replies "It just took me 3 months to find a priest here, and now you want me to find a lawyer??"
St Peter says "Let me look into it" and leaves. Hours pass, then days and weeks. After 3 months St Peter returns, looks at the long line backed up behind the couple, sighs and says "Yes, you can get married here".
The couple replies "After 3 months to think this over, we are wondering, if this marriage doesn't work out, is divorce possible in heaven?"
An exasperated St Peter replies "It just took me 3 months to find a priest here, and now you want me to find a lawyer??"
World's best salesman:
The guy who persuaded blind people that they needed to wear sunglasses.
The guy who persuaded blind people that they needed to wear sunglasses.
My wife Just stopped and said, "You weren't even listening, were you?"
I thought to myself.. "that's an odd way to start a conversation"
I thought to myself.. "that's an odd way to start a conversation"
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained a man to his wife as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?"
She replied. "Probably that I married you for your money."
She replied. "Probably that I married you for your money."
A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore."
"What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks.
"It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"
"You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling.
"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you did this ...."
"What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks.
"It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"
"You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling.
"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you did this ...."
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
dustin ray
Veteran member
how the corona virus has affected my life...…..
I used to cough to cover up sound of my farts. Now I do the opposite.
I used to cough to cover up sound of my farts. Now I do the opposite.