jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
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A man walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."
There was this ancient story teller...
One of his stories was about a Kingdom that was having a lot of crime so the King said, "Whoever comes up with a solution that works will be greatly rewarded."
Many tried but their solutions did not work until this Old Man said he had the solution.
He asked to tear down all the jails and prisons. Then he had one jail for one person built.
Right away they had someone who committed a crime.
The Old Man said, "Put him in jail."
Very soon another committed a crime and the officers came to ask the Old Man what to do with him to which the Old Man answered, Kill the first one and put this one in jail!"
That ended the crime in the Kingdom.
One of his stories was about a Kingdom that was having a lot of crime so the King said, "Whoever comes up with a solution that works will be greatly rewarded."
Many tried but their solutions did not work until this Old Man said he had the solution.
He asked to tear down all the jails and prisons. Then he had one jail for one person built.
Right away they had someone who committed a crime.
The Old Man said, "Put him in jail."
Very soon another committed a crime and the officers came to ask the Old Man what to do with him to which the Old Man answered, Kill the first one and put this one in jail!"
That ended the crime in the Kingdom.
D_Dubya
Active Member
It was bad y'all
I just got back from Walmart, and honestly I was very shocked-they had no toilet paper at all.
With hesitation, I headed to the customer service counter to ask if they had any.
All I got was a firm NO and a look of disgust.
Walking back to the restroom with my pants around my ankles is a walk I never want to do again.
I just got back from Walmart, and honestly I was very shocked-they had no toilet paper at all.
With hesitation, I headed to the customer service counter to ask if they had any.
All I got was a firm NO and a look of disgust.
Walking back to the restroom with my pants around my ankles is a walk I never want to do again.
dustin ray
Veteran member
Coronavirus Pandemic, day 16.
If anyone is still out there, I’m alive but struggling. Food is running low. Down to only 459 days worth. My hands are super sanitized and my butt is super clean. Down to 1599 rounds of ammo (dropped 1 round down the heat vent while doing daily inventory). Power still on, but for how long? Missing human interaction but I have my dogs.. for now.. (I'm soaking their food in BBQ sauce in an attempt to marinate them from the inside in case I have to eat them) . I fear dark days ahead. News is all bad. Neighbors have attempted to leap from windows to their death, (or near death... most have single story homes so they are badly bruised). Blew through most Netflix series so may have to rewatch some again..Basic Survival is a definite challenge. I vow to persevere to the end, I am a survivor! Please, if there is life out there, communicate with me to help preserve my sanity..
If anyone is still out there, I’m alive but struggling. Food is running low. Down to only 459 days worth. My hands are super sanitized and my butt is super clean. Down to 1599 rounds of ammo (dropped 1 round down the heat vent while doing daily inventory). Power still on, but for how long? Missing human interaction but I have my dogs.. for now.. (I'm soaking their food in BBQ sauce in an attempt to marinate them from the inside in case I have to eat them) . I fear dark days ahead. News is all bad. Neighbors have attempted to leap from windows to their death, (or near death... most have single story homes so they are badly bruised). Blew through most Netflix series so may have to rewatch some again..Basic Survival is a definite challenge. I vow to persevere to the end, I am a survivor! Please, if there is life out there, communicate with me to help preserve my sanity..
dustin ray
Veteran member
Thanks for reaching out Kid its been awhile. Us survivors down here in southern CA are doing ok my food supply is good but after days of red beans and rice my TP is running low. When this nightmare started is stashed 16 guns around the house but i can only remember where 4 of them are. My neighbors keep staring over the fence at my garden john my neighbor was at the fence i asked him if he wanted some corn he just stared at me saying nothing . My wife has lost it she don't hardly talk to me only says ( your crazy ). I only sleep 4 hours a day thats when John leaves his house around noon every day i spend my nights patrolling the fence line it good exercise it clears my head. this was nice talking to you Kid maybe next week we can talk again.
over and out -----
over and out -----
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
I have my own security patrol,they came with the territory.I raise them on raw meat,so if the time
comes that someone may wander too close to the garden or property for that matter they will go
straight for the jugular.In this case your cajoes!(family jewels)
If that doesn't work we have the devil dogs,part Chupacabra and part rabid Coyote...
I went to WALMART to buy a bag of dog food (Already have Toilet Paper)
While in line, the woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.
I stared at her (those who know me will imagine my gaze ) ... Like why the heck would I be buying dog food, CRAZY? heifer. Smarty pants
So being sarcastic I told her no, that I didn’t have a dog, that I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but with 15 pounds less!
I told her that it was the perfect diet and that all you had to do is carry the kibbles in your pockets and eat one or two every time you feel hungry (I have to mention that practically everyone in line was interested in my story).
Frightened, the woman asks me if I ended up in the hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I answer, of course not! I was admitted because I was in the middle of the street trying to smell the butt of a bulldog and I was hit by a truck
I thought the man behind her was going to have a heart attack because he was laughing soooooo hard!
While in line, the woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.
I stared at her (those who know me will imagine my gaze ) ... Like why the heck would I be buying dog food, CRAZY? heifer. Smarty pants
So being sarcastic I told her no, that I didn’t have a dog, that I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but with 15 pounds less!
I told her that it was the perfect diet and that all you had to do is carry the kibbles in your pockets and eat one or two every time you feel hungry (I have to mention that practically everyone in line was interested in my story).
Frightened, the woman asks me if I ended up in the hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I answer, of course not! I was admitted because I was in the middle of the street trying to smell the butt of a bulldog and I was hit by a truck
I thought the man behind her was going to have a heart attack because he was laughing soooooo hard!
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dustin ray
Veteran member
I binged on "the stand".
Due to the "shelter in place" I will only be telling inside jokes
There was a knock on the door this morning, I opened it and there was a young man standing there who said:
"I'm a Jehovah's Witness".
I said," Come in and sit down".
When he sat down I asked, "What do you want to talk about"?
He said, " Damned if I know, I've never got this far before"
"I'm a Jehovah's Witness".
I said," Come in and sit down".
When he sat down I asked, "What do you want to talk about"?
He said, " Damned if I know, I've never got this far before"