jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?"
After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?"
JimP
Administrator
The little sexy housewife was built so well, the
TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.
When he’d finished she paid him and said, “I’m going to make a. . . well… unusual request. But you have to first promise me you’ll keep it a secret.”
The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. “Well, it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man — sigh — he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I’m a woman and you’re a man… ”
The repairman could hardly speak, “Yes yes!”
“And since I’ve been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . .”
“Yes yes!”
“Would you help me move the refrigerator?”
TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.
When he’d finished she paid him and said, “I’m going to make a. . . well… unusual request. But you have to first promise me you’ll keep it a secret.”
The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. “Well, it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man — sigh — he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I’m a woman and you’re a man… ”
The repairman could hardly speak, “Yes yes!”
“And since I’ve been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . .”
“Yes yes!”
“Would you help me move the refrigerator?”
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My cousin was born with defects from a drug that replaced thalidomide. He actually has 7 fingers on his left hand and 8 fingers on his right hand.
I mean what kind of Birthday present do you buy for a kid like that?
Oh wait...I know. FIRE CRACKERS!
I mean what kind of Birthday present do you buy for a kid like that?
Oh wait...I know. FIRE CRACKERS!
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
The road we were on led us to a covered bridge just as another car approached from the opposite direction. At an impasse, the other driver—clearly feeling wronged—shouted, "I never back up for idiots!"
I put my car in reverse and replied, "I do."
I put my car in reverse and replied, "I do."
JimP
Administrator
Hilltop
Veteran member
Hilary sex tape
It's come to light that someone has a sex tape of Hilary with a campaign worker from Arkansas.
They promise to release the video to the public unless they receive 10 million dollars in bitcoin.
Short on funds, Hilary now has the ethical dilemma of trying to personally pay the 10 million dollars in bitcoin or ask the public for the money.
I'd personally pay my entire life savings to be sure I never ever accidently click on that link. I'm pretty sure everyone else feels the same way.
It's come to light that someone has a sex tape of Hilary with a campaign worker from Arkansas.
They promise to release the video to the public unless they receive 10 million dollars in bitcoin.
Short on funds, Hilary now has the ethical dilemma of trying to personally pay the 10 million dollars in bitcoin or ask the public for the money.
I'd personally pay my entire life savings to be sure I never ever accidently click on that link. I'm pretty sure everyone else feels the same way.
dustin ray
Veteran member
JimP
Administrator
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
Hilltop
Veteran member
85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."