jocularity

[kidoggy]

I told my son "you will marry the girl I choose"

He said "No!"
I told him "She is Bill Gate's daughter"
He said "Ok"
I called Bill Gates and said "I want your daughter to marry my son"
Bill Gates said "No"
I told Bill Gates "My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said "Ok"
I called the president of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said "No"
I told him "My son is Bill Gate's son in law.
He said "Ok"

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how Politics work!

 

[JimP]

Squirrel infestation

> The Presbyterian church
> called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel
> infestation.
> After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the
> squirrels were
> predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere
> with God's divine will. >
>
> At the Baptist church
> the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The
> deacons met and
> decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the
> squirrels drown
> themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and,
> unfortunately, knew
> instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed
> up the following week.>
>
> The Lutheran church
> decided that they were not in a position to harm any of
> God's creatures.
> So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church.
>
> Two weeks
> later the squirrels
> were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
>
> But the Catholic church
> came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the
> squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
>
>
> Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue;
> they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

 

[JimP]

 

[kidoggy]

Mexican word of the day: Hotel

Trump paid the porn star $130,000 to keep quiet, but the hotel everyone

 

[kidoggy]

Typical cops. They caught me running with a bag of money, but where were they when someone was stealing my getaway car?

 

[kidoggy]

Mr Bear and Mr rabbit,,,

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.

 

[dustin ray]

MR smith told his wife that kids shouldn't get participation ribbons when they loose; so Mrs. Smith took down his Confederate flag.

 

[mallardsx2]

MR smith told his wife that kids shouldn't get participation ribbons when they loose; so Mrs. Smith took down his Confederate flag.

Coming from the north and now living in Georgia. I find this very funny.

The war is still brewing down here.....its a shame. My father-in-law doesn't carry his musket around but I just know he has a uniform hiding in one of his closets...lol

When he calls me a Yankee I always remind him that they might have won if they could have been able to read the directions on the maps.... I still dont think he gets the pun thats intended.

 

[kidoggy]

Coming from the north and now living in Georgia. I find this very funny.

The war is still brewing down here.....its a shame. My father-in-law doesn't carry his musket around but I just know he has a uniform hiding in one of his closets...lol

When he calls me a Yankee I always remind him that they might have won if they could have been able to read the directions on the maps.... I still dont think he gets the pun thats intended.

them southerners wouldn't be so stressed out all the time if they followed the yankees example an tugged one out.

 

[kidoggy]

My boss said he was going to fire the

employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me.

 

[kidoggy]

Ya haven't seen the

democrats this pissed off since the republicans freed their slaves....

 

[kidoggy]

One bright sunny day

a dad and his young son were walking along a short hiking trail while talking about "stuff".

The son says to his dad...."When I become a man, I want to be a liberal".

The Dad firmly replied..."Son...you will have to choose, you can't be both....

 

[kidoggy]

The One About The Fishermen and The Angel

Three guys are fishing when an angel appears.

The first guy says, “I’ve suffered from back pain for years. Can you help me?” The angel touches the man’s back, and he feels instant relief.

The second guy points to 
his thick glasses and begs for 
a cure for his poor eyesight. When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man 
gains 20/20 vision.

As the angel turns to the third fellow, he instantly recoils and screams, “Don’t touch me! I’m on disability!”

 

[kidoggy]

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my 
advantage. I take that as a compliment.

 

[kidoggy]

"Dad, I want to become a Democrat," said Jim.

His father asked, "And what are you doing to become one?"

"Nothing, dad."

"Good, you're halfway there then."

 

[kidoggy]

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.



I saw a sign that said "Watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade".

 

[kidoggy]

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."

 

[dustin ray]

I was having coffee with my wife she was telling me about the tragedy at Utube a crazy vegan peta animal rights woman shot up the place i asked her so whats her beef with Utube ?

 

[grizzly]

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.



I saw a sign that said "Watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade".

I always laugh at the "SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY" signs. That seems like a mean way to describe the neighborhood kids.

 

[kidoggy]

A gorgeous young brunette walked into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."