jocularity

kidoggy

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Apr 23, 2016
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Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Saturday 6-5-21 of a severe yeast infection He was 71.

He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and... one in the oven.
 
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JimP

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Mar 28, 2016
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Life Long Question:

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so

I sat down and had a cold drink.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,
and I said, "Nothing."

The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another few sips, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.
 

El Serio

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Feb 1, 2018
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What did the owner of a faulty robotic lizard say when he called the tech support line?

I have a problem with e-reptile dysfunction
 
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kidoggy

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I was working late at the

Cellphone Warehouse last night when I received this text from my wife:
"Honey,thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphone.Whenyougethomepleasegivemeanalternative."
And as I eagerly rushed home, I couldn't help but wonder...what the hell does "ternative" mean?
 
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kidoggy

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My father was a conjoined twin. We called his brother my uncle on my father's side. Until the operation..................now he's my uncle once removed.
 
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kidoggy

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Something I can finally embrace! Pansexuality!

BACON!

Stir-fry!

Fish!

Veal!

I'm a getting turned on!


do NOT ask about the secret sauce recipe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just something I pull out.
 
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kidoggy

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anyone else think it is hillarious when folks whine about a water shortage on a planet that is two thirds water?????????????????? :ROFLMAO:

just drink gatorade! its got lectrolites!
 
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kidoggy

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
"I should be in charge", said the brain, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge", said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste away".

"I should be in charge", said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy".

"I should be in charge", said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal".

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic.

Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?
You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an asshole.