jocularity

kidoggy

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Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Congressman Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory
On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'
So Judy recently e-mailed Congressman Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle. Harry Reid:
Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:
"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."
NOW THAT's how it's done, Folks! That's real POLITICAL SPIN
 

kidoggy

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Well, July 4 has come and gone for another year.

And we all know what that means: The Memorial Day furniture and bedding sales are finally over.
 
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El Serio

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A farmer was showing his prized milk cows to a visitor from the big city when the city slicker made a disgusted face and asked: "what is that awful smell?" The farmer replied simply: "smells like dairy air to me"
 

kidoggy

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What does the Pink Panther say when

he steps on an ant?

Dead ant. Dead ant. Deadant deadant deadant.
Deadaaaaaaannnnt. DehehehehdANT.
 
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kidoggy

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A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road side damage . . .
. . . directly across the street from a house of ill repute when they witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about and then ducking into the house.
"Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, a Protestant Reverend sinning in a house the likes of that place!" They both shook their heads in disgust and continued their work. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around himself cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one had spied him.
"Did ya see that, Darby?", Pat asked the other in shock and disbelief. "Is nothing holy to those Jewish people? I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. Tis a shame, I tell ya!"
Not long had passed when they saw a third man, a Catholic Priest, lurking about the house looking around to see if any one was watching and then quietly sneaking in the door. "Oh no, Darby, look!" Said Pat removing his cap, "One o' the poor girls musta died!"
 

kidoggy

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Banking Problems Hit Japan
Recently the Origami Bank has folded, and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

Samurai Bank is soldiering on, following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, over 500 employees at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank.
 
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kidoggy

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A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blond hair; the youngest is short with brown hair.

The husband was on his deathbed and said, “Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?”

The wife said, “I swear to all that is holy, he is your son.”

Then the husband died, and his wife muttered, “Thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”
 

kidoggy

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A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer.
In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.

"What did you take?" his priest asked.

"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."

"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"

"No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."
 

kidoggy

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Joe Biden wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructed his people, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Biden was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called the people responsible and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Joe. The report said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."
 

JimP

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An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals", he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot Bear charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.
He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice from heaven asked, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well", said the Voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen."
 

kidoggy

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia.
The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?"
The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently.
The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Now tell me, do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
 

kidoggy

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A boy goes to a strip club...
His mom finds out and gets very angry, but she asks him if he saw anything he wasn't supposed to see.
He says, "yeah, I saw dad".
 
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kidoggy

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I Just Came Out to My Friends and Family

as a proud member of the PDCSWBTGLRNHB community.

After the initial shock, they were all very supportive and realized that they too were

Privileged Deplorable Conservative Straight White Bible Thumping Gun Loving Red Neck Hill Billies.

We are now organizing a PDCSWBTGLRNHB pride parade to celebrate our liberation.

The rest of you Hicks are welcome to join in.
 
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