How do you milk sheep?
Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1500 for it.
Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1500 for it.
jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
A horse in a barn was listening to some rock and roll on the radio...
and he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.
So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and practices every day until he is just as good as the guys on the radio.
One day, while the horse was playing, the chicken overhears and is inspired, too. The chicken hops over to the horse and starts pecking at a bucket, creating a beat that perfectly accompanies the horse's guitar. The horse and the chicken play together every day for weeks. The chicken even found a drum set out back, and the two began making really phenomenal music.
A cow had been coming by to listen to the horse and the chicken play, and one day, she was inspired, too. She rooted around the back of the barn and pulled out a piano, and without a second thought, and nary a piano lesson to her name, integrated seamlessly with the horse and the chicken.
Now the horse, the chicken and the cow played some of the greatest rock and roll music anyone had ever heard. And, wouldn't you know it, a music producer just happened to visit the farm one day and heard the animals jamming out. He went to them with contracts and signed them that day.
The horse, the chicken, the cow and the producer wound up touring the country. They played everywhere and the people loved them. You could hardly turn the radio on without hearing one of their songs. The producer acted as manager and always made sure every gig ran smoothly and all their needs were met. It was a great arrangement, and everyone was very happy.
Then, one day, the horse got a phone call. His mother was very sick, and she asked the horse to come home to visit. So the horse tells the band and producer he needs to leave for a few days, but he'd meet them at their next concert.
The horse went home and saw his mother, and she was indeed very sick. She ended up dying shortly after, and the horse was devastated. He loved his mother, and wasn't at all prepared for her death.
The horse took care of what he could and prepared to fly back to his band at their next stop when he got another phone call. Their tour bus had been in a deadly accident, and the chicken, the cow and the producer had died.
The horse was dumbstruck. Such misfortune was unimaginable, and he felt himself break inside. He had nothing left: his mother was gone and his career was over. He had lost his best friends and didn't know what to do next, so, in his depression, he decided to drink himself to death.
So, the horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Hey, pal. Why the long face?"
and he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.
So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and practices every day until he is just as good as the guys on the radio.
One day, while the horse was playing, the chicken overhears and is inspired, too. The chicken hops over to the horse and starts pecking at a bucket, creating a beat that perfectly accompanies the horse's guitar. The horse and the chicken play together every day for weeks. The chicken even found a drum set out back, and the two began making really phenomenal music.
A cow had been coming by to listen to the horse and the chicken play, and one day, she was inspired, too. She rooted around the back of the barn and pulled out a piano, and without a second thought, and nary a piano lesson to her name, integrated seamlessly with the horse and the chicken.
Now the horse, the chicken and the cow played some of the greatest rock and roll music anyone had ever heard. And, wouldn't you know it, a music producer just happened to visit the farm one day and heard the animals jamming out. He went to them with contracts and signed them that day.
The horse, the chicken, the cow and the producer wound up touring the country. They played everywhere and the people loved them. You could hardly turn the radio on without hearing one of their songs. The producer acted as manager and always made sure every gig ran smoothly and all their needs were met. It was a great arrangement, and everyone was very happy.
Then, one day, the horse got a phone call. His mother was very sick, and she asked the horse to come home to visit. So the horse tells the band and producer he needs to leave for a few days, but he'd meet them at their next concert.
The horse went home and saw his mother, and she was indeed very sick. She ended up dying shortly after, and the horse was devastated. He loved his mother, and wasn't at all prepared for her death.
The horse took care of what he could and prepared to fly back to his band at their next stop when he got another phone call. Their tour bus had been in a deadly accident, and the chicken, the cow and the producer had died.
The horse was dumbstruck. Such misfortune was unimaginable, and he felt himself break inside. He had nothing left: his mother was gone and his career was over. He had lost his best friends and didn't know what to do next, so, in his depression, he decided to drink himself to death.
So, the horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Hey, pal. Why the long face?"
A professor is working in his office during his open hours. It's only a week away from the final exam, so he thinks nothing when one his students comes in. That is, until he sees she's in a short skirt, a low-cut top, and closes the door behind her.
She quickly takes a seat and leans over the desk, saying, "Professor, I *really* need to pass this class. If I pass this exam, I'll pass the class, so I really need your help. It's very important to me. I mean, I would do *anything* to pass this exam."
She reaches out and touches the professor's hand lightly. The professor raises an eyebrow and glances at the closed door. He clears his throat and leans in.
"Anything?" he asks.
"Anything," she nods.
He takes in a deep breath and then asks, "Would you . . . study?"
She quickly takes a seat and leans over the desk, saying, "Professor, I *really* need to pass this class. If I pass this exam, I'll pass the class, so I really need your help. It's very important to me. I mean, I would do *anything* to pass this exam."
She reaches out and touches the professor's hand lightly. The professor raises an eyebrow and glances at the closed door. He clears his throat and leans in.
"Anything?" he asks.
"Anything," she nods.
He takes in a deep breath and then asks, "Would you . . . study?"
Two Crows
were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance.
"See that over there? What is that?" asks the first crow.
The second crows takes a long look. "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it."
"How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?" replies the first crow.
"Look at it's hands. No cellphone."
were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance.
"See that over there? What is that?" asks the first crow.
The second crows takes a long look. "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it."
"How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?" replies the first crow.
"Look at it's hands. No cellphone."
Tips to becoming a better conversationalist...
Tip #10. Ask people questions that give them a chance to talk about themselves.
Example: What the hell is the matter with you?
Tip #10. Ask people questions that give them a chance to talk about themselves.
Example: What the hell is the matter with you?
old but still.............
The federal government which has
cruise missiles, and "Apache," "Blackhawk," "Iroquois," "Kiowa," "Chinook," "Lakota" and "Iroquois," helicopters - and used the code name "Geronimo" in the attack that killed Osama bin Laden officially objects to the name of the "Washington Redskins."
The federal government which has
cruise missiles, and "Apache," "Blackhawk," "Iroquois," "Kiowa," "Chinook," "Lakota" and "Iroquois," helicopters - and used the code name "Geronimo" in the attack that killed Osama bin Laden officially objects to the name of the "Washington Redskins."
past first date questions... what are your hobbies / where do you work?
most important first date question every man should ask in 2022.............were you ever a man?
most important first date question every man should ask in 2022.............were you ever a man?
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss.
She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the brunette says: "That was fun, we should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"
"Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss.
She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the brunette says: "That was fun, we should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"
How Many Blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None... Blondes don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
None... Blondes don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
I was on a blind date with a woman...
and during our dinner conversation....
....she said, "You know, I used to be a Christian."
I told her that was fine, it really didn't matter to me. as an agnostic.
She said, "Good. Because I'm much more comfortable as a Christine."
and during our dinner conversation....
....she said, "You know, I used to be a Christian."
I told her that was fine, it really didn't matter to me. as an agnostic.
She said, "Good. Because I'm much more comfortable as a Christine."