Lady got a facelift. Dr explained the newest technique.
Dr: I’ve place a knob on the top of your head hidden in your hair. When you get older and the face begins to sag a bit, just twist that knob a tiny bit to the right. It’ll be like having a brand new facelift every few years.
Lady: that sounds great!
10 years later the lady shows up with a problem.
Lady: Dr I’ve loved my face lift but recently I’ve gotten big bags under my eyes and I’m not sure what you can do to help me?
Dr: Ma’am those are not bags! Those are your boobs! You’ve been twisting the knob way too much!
Lady: Oh geez!!! I guess that explains the goatee!
Two guys walk out of a bar. Across the street from them is a dog sitting on the curb licking his balls. One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that!" His friend replies, "I'd try and pet him first. He looks kinda mean."
the counter at a gas station. The woman was complaining about the price of gas "2 weeks ago I paid $4.00, last week it was $3.80 and now you charge me $4.30. Why you doing this to me? The clerk looked at her and calmly said "Fluctuations". The Chinese woman totally lost it and yelled back "Well, fluck you Americans too!!"
costly hotel in Las Vegas as a treat for her 21st birthday. The morning following her stay, she was appalled when the desk worker gave her a bill for $250. She asked why the room charge was so high.
“It’s a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren’t worth $250 for just an overnight stay! I didn’t even have breakfast,” she told the worker.
The worker clarified that $250 is the standard rate. At that point, the lady insisted on talking with the manager. The manager arrived and explained, “Ma’am the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center, which are both available for use.”
“But I didn’t use them,” the woman said.
“Well, they are here and you could have,” he replied.
The manager proceeded to say that she could likewise have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from around the world performing here,” he said.
“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.
The manager replied, “Well, we have them, and you could have.”
Regardless of the facility he recommended, the lady just answered, “But I didn’t use it!”
After several minutes of contending with him, she chose to pay.
The manager was shocked when she gave him the check. “But madam, this cheque is for only $50,” he said.
“That is right. I charged you $200 for sleeping with me,” she replied.