BrandonM
Active Member
- Nov 9, 2011
- 200
- 231
“Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
“No sun.”
“No sun.”
jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
A city gentleman is going for a drive in the country. He passes a farm field, where he sees a lone pig rooting around, and upon second glance, this pig has a wooden leg. He drives up the driveway and finds the farmer repairing his tractor in front of the barn. He asks the farmer about the pig.
"That's a very good pig, that", says the farmer. "He saved my son from a pack of wolves. He saved my wife from drowning in the river. He chased off thieves that were trying to steal my cows. Great pig."
"Right", said the gentleman, "but why does it have a wooden leg?"
The farmer replies "Oh the wooden leg. Well, a pig that good - you don't eat it all at once."
"That's a very good pig, that", says the farmer. "He saved my son from a pack of wolves. He saved my wife from drowning in the river. He chased off thieves that were trying to steal my cows. Great pig."
"Right", said the gentleman, "but why does it have a wooden leg?"
The farmer replies "Oh the wooden leg. Well, a pig that good - you don't eat it all at once."
I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.
"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.
"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.
"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.
"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.
BrandonM
Active Member
- Nov 9, 2011
- 200
- 231
Unfortunately that seems to be the perspective of people these days...
"You fancy my best friend, don't you?"
asked my wife.
Me: "If given the choice..." I replied, "I'd rather have sex with you then her."
Wife: "You mean 'than'."
Me: "No."
asked my wife.
Me: "If given the choice..." I replied, "I'd rather have sex with you then her."
Wife: "You mean 'than'."
Me: "No."
yup ! but mights well laugh it off. folks who think that way are a joke anyhow.
A man comes home late after drinking all night.
His wife greets him in the kitchen upset.
"You're drunk, again! I've had it with you!
The man slurring says to her "I'm not drunk"
The wife frustrated responds "I can smell the liquor, you are drunk!"
The husband once again refusing to back down says "I'm not drunk."
The wife points at their grandfather clock and asks him "Then can you tell the time?!"
The husband looks over at the clock and says "Yeah"
The wife replies with "Well? Go on."
The husband leans in front of the old clock, points at it and says "I am not drunk."
His wife greets him in the kitchen upset.
"You're drunk, again! I've had it with you!
The man slurring says to her "I'm not drunk"
The wife frustrated responds "I can smell the liquor, you are drunk!"
The husband once again refusing to back down says "I'm not drunk."
The wife points at their grandfather clock and asks him "Then can you tell the time?!"
The husband looks over at the clock and says "Yeah"
The wife replies with "Well? Go on."
The husband leans in front of the old clock, points at it and says "I am not drunk."
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Two men are arguing and shouting....
... while a crowd gathered to watch.
A by-stander asked a small boy, "What's going on here?"
The boy replied, "My father and our neighbor are arguing."
The by-stander asked, "Which one is your father?"
The boy answered, "That's what they're arguing about. "
A guy walks into a small family drug store to buy some condoms.
The lady behind the counter asks what size he wants, and the guy gets uptight and blushes, and stammers that he never knew that they came in sizes, and he doesn't know what his size is
The lady tells him not to worry, there's a big old hogshead wine barrel out back with several numbered holes, and to just go and just find the one that fits and tell her the number.
The clerk's old spinster aunt hears them talking from the back room and runs out and jumps in the barrel. The guy goes out back, and sees a likely sized hole and tries it out. The old auntie just has a fine old time with it, and after a few minutes, the bewildered guy goes back to the counter.
The lady asks if he found the right size. He says, "Never mind the condoms, how much you want for that barrel?"
The lady behind the counter asks what size he wants, and the guy gets uptight and blushes, and stammers that he never knew that they came in sizes, and he doesn't know what his size is
The lady tells him not to worry, there's a big old hogshead wine barrel out back with several numbered holes, and to just go and just find the one that fits and tell her the number.
The clerk's old spinster aunt hears them talking from the back room and runs out and jumps in the barrel. The guy goes out back, and sees a likely sized hole and tries it out. The old auntie just has a fine old time with it, and after a few minutes, the bewildered guy goes back to the counter.
The lady asks if he found the right size. He says, "Never mind the condoms, how much you want for that barrel?"
Racist??????
jobama has banned travel from 8 African countries.
jobama 7:16 PM · Feb 1, 2020:
"Trump further diminished the U.S. in the eyes of the world by expanding his travel ban. This new “African Ban,” is designed to make it harder for black and brown people to immigrate to the United States. It’s a disgrace, and we cannot let him succeed."
The democrat/communists and media are ignoring the hypocrisy.
jobama has banned travel from 8 African countries.
jobama 7:16 PM · Feb 1, 2020:
"Trump further diminished the U.S. in the eyes of the world by expanding his travel ban. This new “African Ban,” is designed to make it harder for black and brown people to immigrate to the United States. It’s a disgrace, and we cannot let him succeed."
The democrat/communists and media are ignoring the hypocrisy.
Rearrange the letters in Omicron and you get Moronic. Just sayin'
Bonecollector
Veteran member
Great timing too. Maxine's case starts Monday... just sayin. Take your eye off the case that they won't cover anyway because this one could hurt quite a few republicans and even more dems.
Equally Interesting how all these countries declare the new variant on Friday. Like no one knew sooner, not one of them.
I rank this up there with Pfizer not releasing a vac until the election was over. Proves they don't care about human life, that is if the vac ever worked. The hospitalizations are 50/50 between vac/non-vac with the (3) hospitals I'm affiliated with in Oh/Wv.
Oh, and the vac does not work against the new variant they say. But get it anyway.
What is going on in this world!?
Equally Interesting how all these countries declare the new variant on Friday. Like no one knew sooner, not one of them.
I rank this up there with Pfizer not releasing a vac until the election was over. Proves they don't care about human life, that is if the vac ever worked. The hospitalizations are 50/50 between vac/non-vac with the (3) hospitals I'm affiliated with in Oh/Wv.
Oh, and the vac does not work against the new variant they say. But get it anyway.
What is going on in this world!?
it's the end days and it's gonna get a whole lot darker before light wins!!!!!!!!!!!
but light WILL win!!
Lefty to his Conservative buddy:
"Hey ole Buddy, can you spot me $20 'till next payday?"
Ole buddy: "Sure Pal, hear ya go. By the way, when's next payday?"
Lefty: "Hell, I don't know. You're the one with the job."
"Hey ole Buddy, can you spot me $20 'till next payday?"
Ole buddy: "Sure Pal, hear ya go. By the way, when's next payday?"
Lefty: "Hell, I don't know. You're the one with the job."
We are currently watching Dopesick, if you thought FDA approval meant anything...well the story of OxyContin should prove otherwise
Bonecollector
Veteran member
Here we go....
Lead prosecutor in the Ghislaine Maxwell case is Maurene Comey.... daughter of James Comey.
Judge Nathan was also recently promoted to a higher office by Schumer and Biden.....
Lead prosecutor in the Ghislaine Maxwell case is Maurene Comey.... daughter of James Comey.
Judge Nathan was also recently promoted to a higher office by Schumer and Biden.....
How many men does it take to open a beer ?
None. It should be open when she brings it !
None. It should be open when she brings it !
what better way to save social security for future pilfering then to kill off the elderly??????
omicron , the gift that goes on giving!
omicron , the gift that goes on giving!