classic .Caddy Shack...Bill Murray Washin' his ball.
Oh Miss' Johnson!!! Check it out on You Tube!
bill murray -caddyshack-- go kill golfers.
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- Thread starter kidoggy
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bill murray -caddyshack-- go kill golfers.
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
No Gophers!Not Golfers!
Chevy Chase playin' thru.Cannonball comin!!...Wine and 'The Green Green"
I can watch that movie over and over.Once a year.
Chevy Chase playin' thru.Cannonball comin!!...Wine and 'The Green Green"
I can watch that movie over and over.Once a year.
How to cook a turkey with ease
Step 1. Buy a turkey
Step 2. Have a glass of wine
Step 3. Stuff turkey
Step 4. Have a glass of wine
Step 5. Put turkey in oven
Step 6. Relax and have a glass of wine
Step 7. Turk the bastey
Step 8. Wine of glass another get
Step 9. Hunt for meat thermometer
Step 10. Glass yourself another pour of wine
Step 11. Bake the wine for 4 hours
Step 12. Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13. Tet the sable
Step 14. Gran another wottle of bine
Step 15. Turk the carvey!
Step 1. Buy a turkey
Step 2. Have a glass of wine
Step 3. Stuff turkey
Step 4. Have a glass of wine
Step 5. Put turkey in oven
Step 6. Relax and have a glass of wine
Step 7. Turk the bastey
Step 8. Wine of glass another get
Step 9. Hunt for meat thermometer
Step 10. Glass yourself another pour of wine
Step 11. Bake the wine for 4 hours
Step 12. Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13. Tet the sable
Step 14. Gran another wottle of bine
Step 15. Turk the carvey!
The Golfer
A golfer is lining up a difficult putt.
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life to make this putt?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.
Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley and my fondness for alter boys is something I've BEEN struggling with for a long time."
A golfer is lining up a difficult putt.
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life to make this putt?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.
Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley and my fondness for alter boys is something I've BEEN struggling with for a long time."
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
Ho Chow calls into work and say,
“Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.” The boss says, “You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”
Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. “I do what you say and I feel great.
I be at work soon…… You got nice house.”
“Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.” The boss says, “You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”
Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. “I do what you say and I feel great.
I be at work soon…… You got nice house.”
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise.
Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
(You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.)
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."
We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
(Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirm uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.)
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
(All the men sighed with unified relief.)
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man slowly stood up and walked just as slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife -- the word is sternum."
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise.
Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
(You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.)
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."
We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
(Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirm uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.)
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
(All the men sighed with unified relief.)
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man slowly stood up and walked just as slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife -- the word is sternum."
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he proceeds to walk towards the front desk, his elbow accidentally hits a woman's breast. The man tells the lady in a shaky voice, "If your heart is as soft as your breast, you will forgive me." The lady replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room no. 1221.
JimP
Administrator
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
JimP
Administrator
Mr Drysdale
Active Member
- Mar 24, 2013
- 440
- 333
From 20 to 30, if a man lives right, it’s once in the morning and once at night.
From 30 to 40, if he still lives right, he leaves off the morning and sometimes the night.
From 40 to 50 it’s just now and then and from 50 to 60 it’s God knows when.
From 60 to 70, if a man’s still inclined, don’t let him fool you it’s all in his mind.
From 30 to 40, if he still lives right, he leaves off the morning and sometimes the night.
From 40 to 50 it’s just now and then and from 50 to 60 it’s God knows when.
From 60 to 70, if a man’s still inclined, don’t let him fool you it’s all in his mind.