jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
A lot of folks can't understand how we
came to have an oil shortage in America.
Here's the simple answer, nobody bothered to check the oil! We didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for this is geographical. Our oil is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Louisiana, North Dakota, Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania and Texas.
Our dipstick's are located in Washington D.C.
came to have an oil shortage in America.
Here's the simple answer, nobody bothered to check the oil! We didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for this is geographical. Our oil is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Louisiana, North Dakota, Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania and Texas.
Our dipstick's are located in Washington D.C.
Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have sex. Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced, and they have sex right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine, but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine, but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows.
when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife screams..., 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides..."
when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife screams..., 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides..."
Husband takes wife to a disco…
There’s a guy on the dance floor break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago, he proposed to me, and I turned him down.”
Husband:” Looks like he’s still celebrating.”
There’s a guy on the dance floor break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago, he proposed to me, and I turned him down.”
Husband:” Looks like he’s still celebrating.”
Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night".
The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Brandon and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV.
When Brandon heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What a horses ass man. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night".
The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Brandon and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV.
When Brandon heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What a horses ass man. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!
Last edited:
A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant...
"Did you smell that food?" the wife asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!"
Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the heck..., I'll treat her."
So, they walked past it again...
"Did you smell that food?" the wife asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!"
Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the heck..., I'll treat her."
So, they walked past it again...
Who are your favorite actors of all time?
Mine are Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin
Mine are Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin
I went into...
...work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling.
Just then, one of my co-workers came in and asked me what I was doing?
"Shh," I said, "I'm a light bulb. I'm acting crazy to get a few days off because there's an out-of-town wedding I need to go to until Tuesday."
A minute later, the boss walked by and asked me what I was doing.
"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off, and come back when you're less stressed."
With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My co-worker started following me and the boss demanded to know where she was going.
"I can't work in the dark," she said.
...work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling.
Just then, one of my co-workers came in and asked me what I was doing?
"Shh," I said, "I'm a light bulb. I'm acting crazy to get a few days off because there's an out-of-town wedding I need to go to until Tuesday."
A minute later, the boss walked by and asked me what I was doing.
"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off, and come back when you're less stressed."
With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My co-worker started following me and the boss demanded to know where she was going.
"I can't work in the dark," she said.
Calif. Asks Residents Not To Charge Electric Vehicles
there is nothing so funny as reality!
there is nothing so funny as reality!