jocularity

[kidoggy]

A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path to the second tee when she gets stung by a bee. She rushes the short distance back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a some help for the swelling. She bumps into the resident golf pro, who says "What can I help you with?"

The woman tells him she's been stung by a bee. The pro asks, "Oh really, where?"

The lady replies, "Between the first and second hole."

To that the golf pro states, "Well, first of all, your stance to way too wide!"

 

[kidoggy]

Handicap Parking
Today I had to go to the store. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space.
I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available.
The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!"
Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! "Oh, I'm sorry," I said. "I saw your Bernie Sanders bumper sticker, and I just assumed that you suffered from some sort of mental disorder."
She gave me the finger and screamed some nasty names at me.
Boy! Some people don't appreciate it when you're just trying to help them out!

 

[kidoggy]

"You don't need 30 round to hunt."

True... but our forefathers didn't write the 2nd amendment because the deer were coming.

 

[kidoggy]

I'm a white man, but I identify as

a household appliance.

I'm transblender.

 

[kidoggy]

$15 per Hour. Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. Since the minimum wage was increased to $15 the owner had to replace his regular human bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says,” 168.” The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious..So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini,” and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Biden?”

 

[kidoggy]

I tried crop-dusting at Walmart, and it failed

Everyone there stunk worse than I did.

 

[idcwby]

Old Dog

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

 

[idcwby]

Parole

At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" Inmate: It’s bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence? Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

 

[El Serio]

Everything's an affront when you're a behind

 

[kidoggy]

Breaking News!
in lew of new voter restrictions
The Devil has announced that his fiddle contest will no longer be held in Georgia.

 

[kidoggy]

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer before I die,” whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father,” replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Chuck and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Chuck commented to Nancy “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy ’s hand in his right hand and Chuck’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.

Finally Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

The old priest continued… “He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.”

 

[kidoggy]

Nancy Pelosi said if she was married to Trump

she’d poison his coffee,

Trump said if he was married
to her he’d drink it!

 

[dirtclod Az.]

Nancy Pelosi said if she was married to Trump

she’d poison his coffee,

Trump said if he was married
to her he’d drink it!

Pour 2 cups and share the joy!

 

[kidoggy]

It has been 2 years and still nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire....

...but Quasimodo has a hunch.

 

[kidoggy]

On my highschool test.

What was the first message Alexander Graham Bell sent by telephone?

I didn't know so I guessed,"You car warranty is about to expire?"

 

[kidoggy]

reperations???????????????

I ain't never owned no slaves an you ain't never picked no cotton!

 

[JimP]

reperations???????????????

I ain't never owned no slaves an you ain't never picked no cotton!

I personally think that for reparations they need to go back to those who owned the slaves and make them pay. Oh wait, we cant do that because most of those who owned slaves were Democrats.

 

[kidoggy]

I personally think that for reparations they need to go back to those who owned the slaves and make them pay. Oh wait, we cant do that because most of those who owned slaves were Democrats.

lol. yup!!!

I personally think the entire idea of reparations is ridiculous.

the only way to get us past racism is to stop dwelling on the past mistakes and look to the future .
the reparations is nothing but another attempt by racist people to keep the race war fanned.

one should remember the past to not repeat it but there is no point on dwelling on it either.
and the plain simple truth is , for the people alive today it is not their past anyhow.

if we are going to dwell on the past then it must be pointed out that blacks owned slaves also. where are the reparations???????????????????????

this is not entirely in jest .

 

[idcwby]

I personally think that for reparations they need to go back to those who owned the slaves and make them pay. Oh wait, we cant do that because most of those who owned slaves were Democrats.

Since they were brought to this country to be slaves and think this country owes them something. How about we send them back to the African tribes they originated from?

 

[kidoggy]

Since they were brought to this country to be slaves and think this country owes them something. How about we send them back to the African tribes they originated from?

that would be the logical solution wouldn't it.

but they just want the cake so it can be thrown back in our faces.