jocularity

kidoggy

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My wife told me she suffers from discrimination and is depressed because of her weight.

I told her to "Just ignore them. You're bigger than that."
 
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kidoggy

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A first grade teacher

is bringing her class in from recess.

Teacher: "Jimmy, what did you do outside?"

Jimmy: "I played in the sandbox"

Teacher: "Wonderful! If you can spell "sand", you will get a cookie!

What did you do Sally?"

Sally: "I played in the sandbox with Jimmy."

Teacher: "Fantastic! If you can spell "box", you will get a cookie!

rastus, what did you do?"

rastus: "I wanted to play in the sandbox, but Sally and Jimmy wouldn't let me because I am black."

Teacher: "That sounds like blatant racial discrimination! If you can spell blatant racial discrimination..."
 

kidoggy

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Why do blmers

wear designer clothes, talk on expensive smart phones, and drive Cadillacs, but live in the ghetto?

Because it's hard to steal a house.
 
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kidoggy

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I just spent 20 min watching my dog chase his tail and wondered how he was so easily entertained. Then I realized I just spent 20 min watching my dog chase his tail
 
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kidoggy

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A young liberal walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says,

"Hi, I'm tired of handouts, I want a job."

The man behind the counter replied,

"Your timing is amazing. We just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big white Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The job pays $200,000 a year plus expenses."

The young lefty: "Ah c'mon man, you're bullshitting me!"

The man behind the counter: "Well, you started it!"
 
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kidoggy

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I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night

The EU now has 1 GB of free space.

A liberal is a conservative who's been arrested. A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged
 
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kidoggy

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Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says,

“As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow. There’s a wee place. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”

“Well,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually.

Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!”

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.

The Irishman swore every word was true.

Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!”

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.

The Irishman swore every word was true.
Then the Englishman asked, “Did this actually happen to you?”


“Not to me, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”
 

kidoggy

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A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”

So she consented and they were married, and they went on honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 30-foot high board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This was followed by three rotations in jack-knife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.

She said, “That was incredible."

He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. After about thirty laps, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.

He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”

“No,” she said, “I was a prostitute in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal."
 
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kidoggy

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bidens stellar debate performance

look man ,here's the deal ,this is the deal. will you shut up man? this is the deal . here's the deal. you were the worst president ever! now ,here's the deal .look man................what was the question again man ???????????
 
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Colorado T

Active Member
Aug 28, 2011
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34
Littleton, CO
A husband and wife were at the marriage counselor and the wife said there were three things that really bothered her about her husband. 1. He doesn't talk enough, 2. He picks his nose and 3. He won't let me on top during sex. When the counselor asked the husband for his response to her issues he said "My dad always told me 1. Don't say anything that will get you in trouble , 2. Keep your nose clean and 3. Don't screw up.