jocularity

kidoggy

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I told my Japanese ophthalmologist I thought I had a cataract.
He said, "Those are nice cars, but I still like my Rincoln."
 
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JimP

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I just wanted to let you all know that I volunteered for the vaccine trials for Covid-19. The vaccine is one that was developed in Russia. I received my first shot today at 10:00 am, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.
 

kidoggy

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A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, "Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?"

The barman replies, "It's a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night."

"Great!" says the man, "but what if I can't reach them?"

"Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night," the barman answers.

"Do you want to try?"

"No, but thanks anyway."

"Why not?", asks the barman.

"The steaks are too high."
 
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kidoggy

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"Rihanna, why do you think Chris Brown was denied a visa for Australia?
Rihanna: "Beats the hell out of me."
 

kidoggy

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Joe Biden walks into a bar and sees a pretty, young blonde chick. He sits down next to her and says

"So, do I come here often?"
 
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kidoggy

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A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to admire the animal.

"What's your dog's name?" she asked.

"Herpes," replied the dog's owner.

"How....odd," said the woman. "Why Herpes?"

"Because he won't heel."
 
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kidoggy

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the main difference between a liberal and a conservative ................
liberals thrive because of oppressive governments . conservatives thrive in spite of oppressive governments.
 

JimP

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I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 2020, 3500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct...
The salesman (a man wearing a Biden lapel pin, sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options... and the seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership.
 

kidoggy

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Libs claim to support human rights and equal opportunities for people with mental and physical disabilities.

But they claim that the man in the White House is physically and mentally disabled and all they do is whine and cry about it.
 

kidoggy

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Bear walks into a bar and sees a woman smoking a cig and sipping straight whiskey.
This pisses him off, so he mauls her and eats her. Then he pulls up a stool and asks for a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve drug addicts."
The bear says, "What? I don't do drugs."
"What about that bar-bitch-you-ate?" says the bartender
 

Bonecollector

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Mar 9, 2014
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Bear walks into a bar and sees a woman smoking a cig and sipping straight whiskey.
This pisses him off, so he mauls her and eats her. Then he pulls up a stool and asks for a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve drug addicts."
The bear says, "What? I don't do drugs."
"What about that bar-bitch-you-ate?" says the bartender
Took me a sec! LOL
 
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JimP

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the men in the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.
They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & told her to mash up some green persimmons & rub them on her nipples and all over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up & you won't be able to talk properly for a while.

The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning, the minister walked up to the pulpit and said,
“Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday.

 

kidoggy

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I was in bed with this redneck girl when all of

sudden her father, brother, and boyfriend burst into the room..............and boy was he mad !
 
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kidoggy

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AOC is pretty upset with the Electoral College!
She can't find out how much tuition is.

I keep hearing about a serious coin shortage here in the USA.

I guess maybe you could say this country is lacking in common cents...




Q: What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

A: The taste.
 
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