jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
My wife minored in psychology.
She's always using all her amateur psychology when we argue.
When I fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, because these feelings are just too traumatic for you to deal with."
I said, "Honey...we don't have a pool."
She's always using all her amateur psychology when we argue.
When I fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, because these feelings are just too traumatic for you to deal with."
I said, "Honey...we don't have a pool."
My wife asked for some peace and quiet while cooking dinner last night.........................
.........so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
.........so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
I'm completely broke
The other day I tried buying fertilizer on my only credit card and it was declined.
I literally can't buy shit
The other day I tried buying fertilizer on my only credit card and it was declined.
I literally can't buy shit
I struggle with Roman Numerals
until I get to 159, then it CLIX.
until I get to 159, then it CLIX.
One winter morning...
...a man is having breakfast with his blonde wife. The radio announcer says, "We're expecting 4-6 inches of snow tonight. People should move their cars to the odd-numbered side of the street to accommodate the plowing." So the blonde goes out and moves their car to the odd number side of the road.
A week later, the man and his blonde wife are again enjoying their breakfast and, again, they hear on the radio, "We're expecting 6-8 inches of snow tonight. People should move their cars to the even-numbered side of the street to accommodate the plowing." So again, the blonde wife goes out and moves their car to the even-numbered side of the street.
Another week goes by, and again, they hear the news anchor announce, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow tonight. People should..." just then power goes out.
The blonde says to her husband, "Oh no! Now where are we supposed to move our car?"
Without looking up from his newspaper, the husband calmly says," Honey, why don't you just leave the car in the garage".
...a man is having breakfast with his blonde wife. The radio announcer says, "We're expecting 4-6 inches of snow tonight. People should move their cars to the odd-numbered side of the street to accommodate the plowing." So the blonde goes out and moves their car to the odd number side of the road.
A week later, the man and his blonde wife are again enjoying their breakfast and, again, they hear on the radio, "We're expecting 6-8 inches of snow tonight. People should move their cars to the even-numbered side of the street to accommodate the plowing." So again, the blonde wife goes out and moves their car to the even-numbered side of the street.
Another week goes by, and again, they hear the news anchor announce, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow tonight. People should..." just then power goes out.
The blonde says to her husband, "Oh no! Now where are we supposed to move our car?"
Without looking up from his newspaper, the husband calmly says," Honey, why don't you just leave the car in the garage".
IMPORTANT NOTICE!!
To save the economy, the Secretary of Homeland Security will announce next month that the Immigration and Customs Enforcement will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. A major study concluded that older people are easier to catch, offer less resistance, and—most importantly—will not remember how to get back home.
Be sure to send this notice to your relatives and friends so they'll know what happened to you!
I started to cry when I thought of you, then it dawned on me -- I'll see you on the bus.
Merry Christmas to one and all!
To save the economy, the Secretary of Homeland Security will announce next month that the Immigration and Customs Enforcement will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. A major study concluded that older people are easier to catch, offer less resistance, and—most importantly—will not remember how to get back home.
Be sure to send this notice to your relatives and friends so they'll know what happened to you!
I started to cry when I thought of you, then it dawned on me -- I'll see you on the bus.
Merry Christmas to one and all!