jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
Yep and the democratic’s are just trying to enslave them with money now and none of them realize it. It’s just free, so give me, give me.
they did the same to the entire nation with the stimulus packages . those who deserve to live would have been fine without them. now we are all gonna pay the price! and every individual in this nation deserves every bad thing coming! even me.
What do you call a one-wheeled cycle for castrated men?
A eunuchcycle
A eunuchcycle
The bad part it’s not just us, but grandkids and great grandkids that will pay the price for the stupidity.
on the bright side , because I always look for the bright side
,.... our society is about to discover that death is not a curse but a blessing!!! carpe diam bruthus! Wanna know how to make Texans really mad?
Cut Alaska in half, so Texas becomes the *third* largest state.
Cut Alaska in half, so Texas becomes the *third* largest state.
JimP
Administrator
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances . Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her. "You can't be serious I could never shoot my wife". The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home" Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
“The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to kill him with the chair.”
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances . Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her. "You can't be serious I could never shoot my wife". The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home" Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
“The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to kill him with the chair.”
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...
IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK.........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK.........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK.........You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK.........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the door yourself.
IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK..........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK.........You have to share.
IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK.........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK.........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK.........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK........They are called supervisors.
IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.
IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK.........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK.........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK.........You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK.........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the door yourself.
IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK..........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK.........You have to share.
IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK.........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK.........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK.........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK........They are called supervisors.
IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.
My cousin just called and asked if I would loan her $300.00
to help her pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I'm
always willing to help out friends and family. I told her
to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back.
Before I called her back, my aunt called and told me that my cousin
was lying and not to give her the money. She goes on to say that
the real reason my cousin wanted the $300.00 was to get her boyfriend
out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday
I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the $300.00
because we all need help at times. So, I called my cousin and told her
to come and get the money.
A couple of hours later, I get a call from Jail It was my cousin crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money.
My response...so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!
to help her pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I'm
always willing to help out friends and family. I told her
to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back.
Before I called her back, my aunt called and told me that my cousin
was lying and not to give her the money. She goes on to say that
the real reason my cousin wanted the $300.00 was to get her boyfriend
out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday
I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the $300.00
because we all need help at times. So, I called my cousin and told her
to come and get the money.
A couple of hours later, I get a call from Jail It was my cousin crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money.
My response...so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old ugly woman, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the woman was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the old woman. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old ugly woman wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the woman answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the woman had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the ugly woman had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The young beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared ugly, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day -- or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old ugly woman? Or, would he prefer having a hideous woman during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below.
BUT -- make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
The moral is --
If you don't let a woman have her own way...
Things are going to get ugly..
The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old ugly woman, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the woman was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the old woman. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old ugly woman wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the woman answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the woman had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the ugly woman had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The young beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared ugly, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day -- or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old ugly woman? Or, would he prefer having a hideous woman during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below.
BUT -- make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
The moral is --
If you don't let a woman have her own way...
Things are going to get ugly..
I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.
I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.
I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
I encountered a milf at a bar last night
Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy
We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time
then, she asked me flirtatiously
"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet".
She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys
opens her door
turn on the light
and she yells towards upstairs
"Mom, are you still awake？”
Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy
We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time
then, she asked me flirtatiously
"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet".
She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys
opens her door
turn on the light
and she yells towards upstairs
"Mom, are you still awake？”