jocularity

[JimP]

A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 73 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

 

[kidoggy]

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it all right if she carries my golf bag while we walk?"

 

[kidoggy]

At the gym today

I overheard this guy talking to a blonde and asked her if she wanted to hear a blonde joke.

The woman said, 'I'm 6'2" and working out here for my body building competition.'

She continued, 'that woman over there is my friend. She's 6'5", blonde and is a champion UFC fighter' and
'That women next to her is 6'" 4", blonde and is US Kickboxing champion, do you stlll want to say the joke?'

The guy pauses and says, 'not if I have to explain it three times.'

 

[kidoggy]

Brad lived in California and was a lifelong environmentalist. He was sick of the world; of Covid-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

Brad drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved it to a slow idle. Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Brad from the car.

A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.

 

[kidoggy]

Why did the blond diet coach send her clients to the paint store? She heard you could get thinner there.

 

[kidoggy]

Due to Covid, only 6 people are
allowed to meet for Thanksgiving,
but 30 can meet for a funeral.
.
Consequently, we will have a funeral
on Thanksgiving for our pet Turkey
"Butterball" that will pass away on
Wednesday, November 25, 2020.
.
Refreshments will be provided.
.
In lieu of flowers, please bring a side dish.

 

[El Serio]

What's the most re-markable thing invented in the last century?

A dry-erase board

 

[El Serio]

A rock star's wife was on trial for beating him with his valuable guitar collection.

"First offender?" The judge asked.

"No, first a Gibson, then a Fender" she replied

 

[kidoggy]

Black Friday Sale

100,000 extra Biden Ballots. Made in China

 

[kidoggy]

A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”

“Everything is big in Texas,” says the bellhop.

The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow these drinks are big!”

The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.”

After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender.

The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”

 

[idcwby]

What’s worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.

 

[idcwby]

What do you call a group of trans-women?

The Ex-Men.

 

[kidoggy]

Last night I had a nightmare that I was stuck inside a truck's tailpipe.
I woke up exhausted...

I believe in true love. And if a dove is a bird of peace. Then what is a bird of true love?
A swallow...

 

[kidoggy]

What do you do when your dishwasher stops workin ?
You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.


How do you know you're wife's dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up.

 

[kidoggy]

The king asked the royal weather forecaster to give him the forecast for the next few hours.



The palace meteorologist guaranteed there was no rain pending.


So, the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with
a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace!
In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."

The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He
is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very
high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."

So, the king continued on his way.

However, in a short time a torrential cold rain fell from the sky. The King
and Queen were totally soaked.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire
the meteorologist.

Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious
position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about
forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my
donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain"

So, the king hired the donkey.

And so, began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential
positions of government.

 

[kidoggy]

What do you do with a chemist who is ill?

First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

 

[kidoggy]

I'm having Thanksgiving with my wife and sister

First time it'll just be the two of us.

 

[kidoggy]

Apparently there is a bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain.


In other words...

...there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

 

[kidoggy]

I asked a pretty, young, Homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

 

[RICMIC]

I'm having Thanksgiving with my wife and sister

First time it'll just be the two of us.

Kid, I didn't know that you were origionally from Arkansas.