How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and one to hold the penis. I mean ladder..... I MEANT LADDER!
Two. One to screw in the bulb and one to hold the penis. I mean ladder..... I MEANT LADDER!
jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
This guy was bleeding profusely, so I got out my first-aid manual and it said to apply direct pressure.
So I told the guy, "If you don't stop that bleeding soon, you're gonna die."
So I told the guy, "If you don't stop that bleeding soon, you're gonna die."
Two guys are out hiking when, suddenly, one gets bit in the groin by a rattlesnake!
The other guy calls 9-1-1 on his cell phone, and gets a doctor on the line.
The doctor says, 'don't worry, just suck the venom out with your mouth, and he'll be fine.'
The guy hangs up, and his buddy asks, 'what did he say?'
The caller says, 'I'm sorry, but you're not going to make it.'
The other guy calls 9-1-1 on his cell phone, and gets a doctor on the line.
The doctor says, 'don't worry, just suck the venom out with your mouth, and he'll be fine.'
The guy hangs up, and his buddy asks, 'what did he say?'
The caller says, 'I'm sorry, but you're not going to make it.'
Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with our mechanic. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Dave says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with our mechanic. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Dave says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Two prostitutes are standing on the street corner
"You ever been picked up by the fuzz?" asks one.
"No" says the other one "I shave".
"You ever been picked up by the fuzz?" asks one.
"No" says the other one "I shave".
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
I was so ugly as a kid
that when my dad took me to the zoo, the keeper thanked him for bringing me back.
When I was young, I got no respect. My parents sent me out to play--then they moved!
My parents took me to the beach and I lost track of them. The lifeguard took me around to look for them. "Where could they be?" I asked. "I don't know, kid," he said. "There's so many places they could hide."
I gave my kid a bow and arrow for Christmas. He gave me a shirt with a target on the back of it.
We've got a dog. We call him Egypt. He leaves a pyramid in every room.
that when my dad took me to the zoo, the keeper thanked him for bringing me back.
When I was young, I got no respect. My parents sent me out to play--then they moved!
My parents took me to the beach and I lost track of them. The lifeguard took me around to look for them. "Where could they be?" I asked. "I don't know, kid," he said. "There's so many places they could hide."
I gave my kid a bow and arrow for Christmas. He gave me a shirt with a target on the back of it.
We've got a dog. We call him Egypt. He leaves a pyramid in every room.
Recent Survey
A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night:
Five percent said it was to get a glass of water.
Twelve percent said it was to go to the bathroom.
Eighty-three percent said it was to go home.
Bonecollector
Veteran member
Was this a joke or do you trust us enough to divulge your innermost secrets....
no secret .the secret is, I also like blueWas this a joke or do you trust us enough to divulge your innermost secrets....
Bonecollector
Veteran member
I thought it was Victoria's Secret, not Kid's!! J/K It's this forum and forum friends that makes my work day tolerable.no secret .the secret is, I also like blue
Merry Christmas bud.
RICMIC
Veteran member
The same rules apply as when you claim you shot a huge deer. It didn't happen and no one believes you until they see the photos.
merry christmas to you and yours also.
A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married.
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was one girl once. I guess she was the one perfect girl, the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was one girl once. I guess she was the one perfect girl, the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.