jocularity

Bonecollector

Veteran member
Mar 9, 2014
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Ohio
I log into Tapatalk for this forum and this is the advertisement on the screen.
I don?t think I need whatever she?s selling... the view will fix the suggested problem. Good grief! LOL
IMG_1252.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

kidoggy

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Apr 23, 2016
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A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.

He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "I can't seem to get her started. Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Honey, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"

He hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on the swing."
 

kidoggy

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Apr 23, 2016
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A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

How does it work?"

The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, ...it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
 

kidoggy

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Apr 23, 2016
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THE WORLDS all time greatest jokes...….



democrats who claim to hate liberals!



If I have posted this before it is only because it can't be pointed out enough
 
Last edited:

JimP

Administrator
Mar 28, 2016
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Gypsum, Co
HYMN # 365

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said,
'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said,
'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said,
'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down ...

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing,
"For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365,
'Shall We Gather at the River.'"
 

kidoggy

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Apr 23, 2016
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I asked the wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace" So I bought her nothing...


seems she lied to me.
 

kidoggy

Veteran member
Apr 23, 2016
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Told my girlfriend that my mom is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Told my mom that my girlfriend has a learning/mental disability...

Humor, it goes a very long way...

DONT WORRY, their all plotting against me so its all good, theyre better friends because I introduced them through humor...