jocularity
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JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
A Well Run Business
Me: I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. I took my computer down to the bar to do some data entries.
I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, ‘What’s the wifi password?’
Bartender: 'You need to buy a drink first.'
Me: 'Okay, I’ll have a beer.'
Bartender: 'We have Molson’s Canadian on tap'
Me: 'Sure. How much is that?'
Bartender: '$8.00.'
Me: 'Here you are. OK now, what’s the wifi password?'
Bartender: " youneedtobuyadrinkfirst "; No spaces and all lowercase.'
Me: I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. I took my computer down to the bar to do some data entries.
I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, ‘What’s the wifi password?’
Bartender: 'You need to buy a drink first.'
Me: 'Okay, I’ll have a beer.'
Bartender: 'We have Molson’s Canadian on tap'
Me: 'Sure. How much is that?'
Bartender: '$8.00.'
Me: 'Here you are. OK now, what’s the wifi password?'
Bartender: " youneedtobuyadrinkfirst "; No spaces and all lowercase.'
JimP
Administrator
CARING WORDS FROM A PILOT --
During a commercial airline flight an experienced a Flying Tiger pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.
When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.
The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
The Tiger Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."
During a commercial airline flight an experienced a Flying Tiger pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.
When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.
The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
The Tiger Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."
The elderly Italian man
went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man.
"That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?".
went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man.
"That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?".
Two hillbillies go to an employment agency.
The first one goes in for an interview and the guy behind the desk asks him what kind of skills he has.
"I'm a wood cutter"
"Well we can off you you a job at $10.00 per hour"
The second guy goes in and the manager asks the same question.
"I'm a Pilot"
The manager is all exited and says "Excellent, we know an airline that is in need of your skills. We can offer you a job at $150.000 per year salary."
The two hillbillies chat about their experiences and the first one storms back in the office all upset. "Why do I get $10.00 per hour and he gets $150,000?"
"Well, your just a wood cutter and he's a pilot."
"I know... I cut the wood and he piles it."
The first one goes in for an interview and the guy behind the desk asks him what kind of skills he has.
"I'm a wood cutter"
"Well we can off you you a job at $10.00 per hour"
The second guy goes in and the manager asks the same question.
"I'm a Pilot"
The manager is all exited and says "Excellent, we know an airline that is in need of your skills. We can offer you a job at $150.000 per year salary."
The two hillbillies chat about their experiences and the first one storms back in the office all upset. "Why do I get $10.00 per hour and he gets $150,000?"
"Well, your just a wood cutter and he's a pilot."
"I know... I cut the wood and he piles it."
Bonecollector
Veteran member
JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
One day at the traffic light...
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car.''
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car.''
JimP
Administrator
mustang8
Active Member
Some hunts are worse than others, but after October 1 all bets are off what the conditions will be.