jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
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JimP
Administrator
MANS BEST FRIEND
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
"What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me, and my dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."
A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
The Jewish man then asked, "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in line."
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
"What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me, and my dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."
A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
The Jewish man then asked, "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in line."
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
JimP
Administrator
A guy ring’s his new girlfriend’s doorbell
She sees him holding a very nice bouquet of flowers and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says “This is for the flowers!”
“Don’t be silly” says her boyfriend, “you must have a vase somewhere!”
She sees him holding a very nice bouquet of flowers and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says “This is for the flowers!”
“Don’t be silly” says her boyfriend, “you must have a vase somewhere!”
PlainsHunter
Active Member
JimP
Administrator
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the freezer last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
So what if you can't spell Armageddon. It's not the end of the world.
Hospitality is the art of making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were
A wife says to her husband "you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says "what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the freezer last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
So what if you can't spell Armageddon. It's not the end of the world.
Hospitality is the art of making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were
A wife says to her husband "you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says "what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.
JimP
Administrator
A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and takes a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes a forest policeman in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the policeman.
"That's true," replied the woman, "But you have all the equipment."
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and takes a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes a forest policeman in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the policeman.
"That's true," replied the woman, "But you have all the equipment."
JimP
Administrator
A preacher on his deathbed...
summoned his doctor and his lawyer. They came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands.
They sat thus for a long while until the doctor stirred and said, ”You don’t have long on this earth, Reverend. Better tell us why you asked us to come.”
The old preacher stirred himself, wheezed, and said, ”Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s the way I want to go, too.”
summoned his doctor and his lawyer. They came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands.
They sat thus for a long while until the doctor stirred and said, ”You don’t have long on this earth, Reverend. Better tell us why you asked us to come.”
The old preacher stirred himself, wheezed, and said, ”Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s the way I want to go, too.”