jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull nearly did me in today, pardner."
"Oh yeah, what happened?" asked the other cowboy.
"I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!" replied the first cowboy.
"So, how'd you get away?" asked the other cowboy.
"The bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over," replied the first cowboy.
"Man, that's scary! If it'd been me, I would probably have crapped all over the place," remarked the second cowboy.
The first cowboy replied, "I DID! What do you think that bull was slipping in?"
"Oh yeah, what happened?" asked the other cowboy.
"I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!" replied the first cowboy.
"So, how'd you get away?" asked the other cowboy.
"The bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over," replied the first cowboy.
"Man, that's scary! If it'd been me, I would probably have crapped all over the place," remarked the second cowboy.
The first cowboy replied, "I DID! What do you think that bull was slipping in?"
A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Old Friend sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun... Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?" Old Friend: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' alright." Old Friend: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: " Is this man your owner?" pointing at Old Friend. Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Old Friend: look of disbelief.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Old Friend: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Old Friend: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Old Friend. Horse: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Old Friend: total look of amazement
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Old Friend: "Sheep Lie."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' alright." Old Friend: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: " Is this man your owner?" pointing at Old Friend. Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Old Friend: look of disbelief.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Old Friend: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Old Friend: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Old Friend. Horse: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Old Friend: total look of amazement
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Old Friend: "Sheep Lie."
this is for anyone who has ever posted on a public forum
there once was a boy,an old man and a donkey
They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride the donkey and the old man would walk along side.
As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride while the old man walked. The old man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe they both should walk.
Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right, so they decided that they both should ride.
They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.
there once was a boy,an old man and a donkey
They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride the donkey and the old man would walk along side.
As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride while the old man walked. The old man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe they both should walk.
Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right, so they decided that they both should ride.
They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.
A blonde tried to sell her old 1966 Dodge Polara
She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I only can sell the car.”
“Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop.Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?”
“No,” replied the blonde, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”
She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I only can sell the car.”
“Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop.Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?”
“No,” replied the blonde, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”
Ray arrives home at seven o’clock in the morning, stinking of whiskey, to find his angry wife waiting for him.
She shouts at him, “You’d better have a darn good reason for coming home at this time in the morning.”
“Of course I do,” replies Ray.
“Well then, what is it?” asks his wife.
breakfast! what're we havin?
She shouts at him, “You’d better have a darn good reason for coming home at this time in the morning.”
“Of course I do,” replies Ray.
“Well then, what is it?” asks his wife.
breakfast! what're we havin?
It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon back up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Nonsense, come on!" the farmer insisted. "Well, okay," the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"
"Under the wagon."
"Nonsense, come on!" the farmer insisted. "Well, okay," the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"
"Under the wagon."
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
RICMIC
Veteran member
RICMIC
Veteran member
I wouldn't go there if I were you...She's also an ex-Marine, and she shoots real good.really? wouldn't it be a small world if it turned out , SHE was the teacher that whipped my butt with wet celery
my bad . keep in mind what thread we're in.
A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are
to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought
to
the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last
request,
to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be
mighty
grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me
bahfore ah hafta
go."
"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says
the warden. He turns to
the biker, "And you, biker, what's your
last request?"
"That you kill me first."
to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought
to
the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last
request,
to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be
mighty
grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me
bahfore ah hafta
go."
"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says
the warden. He turns to
the biker, "And you, biker, what's your
last request?"
"That you kill me first."
