jocularity

kidoggy

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Husband: "Last night, in your sleep, you were using abusive language against me."

Wife: "That was your imagination."

Husband: "What imagination?"

Wife: "That I was asleep."
 

kidoggy

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One day there were 3 Labrador retrievers sitting in the vet's waiting room between their owner's feet looking worried. There was a black lab, a chocolate lab, and a yellow lab. The black lab says to the yellow lab, "What are you here for?" He replies that he's a pisser and pees on everything. Earlier that morning he saw a bump under the sheets and peed on it. It was his owner and she's mad. So he's in to get his balls cut off. He turns to the chocolate lab as asks why he's there. He says," I'm a chaser. I chase anything. This morning my owner backed down the driveway and I chased her, making her turn too sharp and she took out the mailbox. So, I'm here to get my balls cut off." They then ask the black lab why he's there. "I'm a humper. This morning my owner got out of the shower and dropped her towel. She bent over to pick it up and I couldn't control myself. I humped her real good." The yellow asks, "So are you here to get your balls cut off too?" He says, "Nope. I'm just here to get my nails trimmed and get a breath mint."
 
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kidoggy

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Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.

"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.

By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"

Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."
 

kidoggy

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Fifty Years Later

1972: Long hair
2022: Longing for hair

1972: Moving to California because it's "cool."
2022: Moving to California because it's warm.

1972: Growing pot
2022: Growing pot belly

1972: Getting out to a new, hip joint
2022: Getting a new hip joint

1972: Rolling Stones
2022: Kidney stones

1972: Take acid
2022: Take antacid
 

kidoggy

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The democrat disinformation board has determined

that all criticism of the democrat disinformation board is disinformation.
 
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JimP

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I`M NO LONGER CONFUSED

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'

Postal 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'

Cable TV 'Service

Civil 'Service'

Municipal, City, & Public 'Service'

Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.


But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus.
 

dirtclod Az.

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Jan 26, 2018
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Dang! Where have you been Jim, I thought you had skipped town
and moved here to Az!
Here is the newest recruit to the Famn Damily.
He looks more like a Zebra than a Runner
Cheers, 💥 :cool:20220504_104131.jpg
 
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kidoggy

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Four women are driving across the country together, each one from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Montana, and California. Shortly after the trip begins, the woman from Idaho pulls potatoes from her bag and throws them out the window. “What are you doing?” asks the Nebraskan.
“We have so many of these things in Idaho, I’m sick of looking at them.”
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska pulls ears of corn from her bag and tosses them from the window. “What are you doing?” asks the gal from Montana.
“We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I’m sick of looking at them.”

Inspired, the Montanan opens the car door and kicks the Californian out
 
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kidoggy

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A cadet in training for...

...the Georgia State Police was asked on an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

His answer: Call for backup
 

kidoggy

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Man and his wife...

...were playing cards one afternoon when the husband said, "Our marriage is like a deck of cards; all we needed were two hearts and a diamond."

She answered, "That was then, sweetie. Now I wish I had a club and a spade."
 
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dirtclod Az.

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Man and his wife...

...were playing cards one afternoon when the husband said, "Our marriage is like a deck of cards; all we needed were two hearts and a diamond."

She answered, "That was then, sweetie. Now I wish I had a club and a spade."
And he had a Club and a Spade...GAME OVER! Nighty Night Termite!! ;) 💥
Been there, done that(y)
 
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