jocularity

[kidoggy]

Russian President Putin called President Donald Trump with an emergency. "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried. "It's my people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Trump.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.

"No problem," replied the President.

Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.

Donald hung up and called the President of a condom company. "I need a favor. You've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the president of the condom company.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE: SMALL' on each one!"

 

[JimP]

 

[kidoggy]

A couple went shopping but had car trouble in the parking lot, the husband told the wife to go ahead and do the shopping while he fixed the car.

When the wife returned a while later there were many people around the car looking at a pair of hairy legs protruding out from under the car and although he was wearing shorts his lack of under pants turned his private parts into publicly glaring ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place. She stood up and looked across the car and saw her husband idly standing by watching. The mechanic, however, had to have 3 stitches in his forehead.

 

[JimP]

 

[dirtclod Az.]

Did you have to give your equipment back?

 

[dustin ray]

 

[JimP]

Did you have to give your equipment back?

I figure if I could hold off for 15 or 20 more years I would be happy to give it all back.

 

[kidoggy]

Just saw two zombies out on a date.

And they say romance is dead.

 

[JimP]

 

[dirtclod Az.]

Jim is that in Colorado?

 

[JimP]

Somewhere on the coast I would bet.

We did have one called Master Bate and Tackle, I am not sure if they are still in business or not. They used to sell a lot of hats and T shirts. We also have a Beaver Liquors that has some great T shirts and hats along with bumper stickers.

 

[dirtclod Az.]

WE had a muffler shop here in town and thier motto was"No Muff Too Tuff"

Went to a floating restaurant on the Sacramento delta that specialized in crawdads,
bought myself a tee shirt that said "Such the Heads and Eat the Tails",I loved that shirt.
Wore it till' it was in tatters!My girlfriend hated it.Ha!,Ha!

 

[kidoggy]

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and
nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

“I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he’ll jump through.”

The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through–over the balcony railing. Just then John’s date walked out.

“Isn’t Spot the cutest, happiest dog you’ve ever seen?”

“To tell the the truth, ” he replied, “Spot seemed a little depressed to me!”

 

[kidoggy]

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

what about a mesa?
that would mesa up my joke.

 

[kidoggy]

Elizabeth Warren's(pocohontas) husband was arrested for domestic abuse.
he's trying to get special treatment based on his minority status.
He claims to be from the Slapahoe tribe.

 

[JimP]

 

[dirtclod Az.]

At least YOU know where the Munchies are.Ha!,Ha!

 

[kidoggy]

Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word. Apologizing that she only had two dollars, she wrote this obituary: "Pete died."

"I remember ol' Pete, and he deserves more than two words," said the newsman. "I'll give you three more for free."

The widow thanked him and wrote, "Pete died. Boat for sale."

 

[JimP]

Do you need a new idea for a large bear full size mount?

Well, here it is.

 

[dirtclod Az.]

That is Awesome!