My son, when he was in the first grade, could not get math, at all! We took him out of our closest school and tried another one, with no better results. We wound up trying every public school in the area, one by one, to no avail. He just couldn't get math. Then we even tried all the expensive private schools.... no difference. Finally we put him into a Catholic school. Within two weeks, he was at the top of his class in math! I asked him, "Son, what was it about the catholic school that finally made you get math? Was it the strict nuns?.... was it the uniforms?... What was it?" My son looked up at me and replied, "Dad, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!"
jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the Yankee the job." Bubba asked: "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana, and me being a Southern boy, I should get the job!"
The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."
Bubba then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
The manager replied: "Bubba, its like this. On question #4 the Yankee put down; "I don't know." You put down, "Neither do I."
The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."
Bubba then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
The manager replied: "Bubba, its like this. On question #4 the Yankee put down; "I don't know." You put down, "Neither do I."
JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
During the Cold War an East German sneaks into West Germany
Once there, he immediately asks for political asylum. The West German authorities decide though to question him first.
"How is the work there?"
"Can't complain"
"How is the housing there?"
"Can't complain"
"How is food availability there?"
"Can't complain"
"Then why did you come here?"
"Because here I can complain"
Once there, he immediately asks for political asylum. The West German authorities decide though to question him first.
"How is the work there?"
"Can't complain"
"How is the housing there?"
"Can't complain"
"How is food availability there?"
"Can't complain"
"Then why did you come here?"
"Because here I can complain"
archeranthony
Active Member
Old man and his wife went to the Dr for his annual check up. The old man is hard of hearing. Dr tells the old man every thing looks good we just want to run some tests. He says we need a urine, stool and semen sample. The old man says to his wife. ?What did he say?? His wife responds ?he needs your underwear!?
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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
A guy walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. The bartender poured him the drink and the guy drank it down in one gulp.
“Wow," said the bartender. "Something bad musta happened.”
“I came home early today," answered the guy. "I went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend.”
The bartender poured the dude another triple shot. "This one's on the house."
The guy gulped it down once again.
The bartender asked, "Did you say anything to your wife?"
The guy answered, "Yeah, I walked up to her and told her we were through. 'Pack your bag's and get out!' I told her."
"What about your best friend?" asked the bartender.
“I looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Bad dog!'”
“Wow," said the bartender. "Something bad musta happened.”
“I came home early today," answered the guy. "I went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend.”
The bartender poured the dude another triple shot. "This one's on the house."
The guy gulped it down once again.
The bartender asked, "Did you say anything to your wife?"
The guy answered, "Yeah, I walked up to her and told her we were through. 'Pack your bag's and get out!' I told her."
"What about your best friend?" asked the bartender.
“I looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Bad dog!'”
muleyfool
Member
- Jun 7, 2018
- 112
- 34
A jealious husband suspects his wife is having a affair. He leaves work early one afternoon and sneaks up to his apartment on the seventh floor. He opens the bedroom door to find his beautiful wife in bed naked and covered in sweat. He rushes to the open window and sees a man running down the fire escape putting on his clothes.
In a furied rage he picks up the kitchen refrigerator and throws it out the window, hitting the man as he reaches the sidewalk.
The jealious husband realizing what he had done has a massive heart attack and dies.
At the pearly gates a man in front of him askes " how did you die?" the jealous husband replies " I had a heart attack when I killed a man that was having sex with my wife. How about you?". The man said " funny thing, I was late for work and trying to make time by taking the fire escape when a refigerator landed on me". The husband turned to the man behind him and asked the same question and heard "well you see, I was hiding in this refrigerator...?."
In a furied rage he picks up the kitchen refrigerator and throws it out the window, hitting the man as he reaches the sidewalk.
The jealious husband realizing what he had done has a massive heart attack and dies.
At the pearly gates a man in front of him askes " how did you die?" the jealous husband replies " I had a heart attack when I killed a man that was having sex with my wife. How about you?". The man said " funny thing, I was late for work and trying to make time by taking the fire escape when a refigerator landed on me". The husband turned to the man behind him and asked the same question and heard "well you see, I was hiding in this refrigerator...?."
sounds like an episode of threes company. you know the one where there was some sort of misunderstanding?
muleyfool
Member
- Jun 7, 2018
- 112
- 34
Don't recall that episode.
But I'm thinking could be some poor bast..d trying to cool off after doin his business,drinking a beer while in the frige had one hell of a ride.
joe is having dinner at the country club with his wife. Along comes a sweet young thing who whispers a few words in joes ear, kisses his cheek, and moves on.
joes wife, who has a great vocabulary and doesn't ever swear, says "What the hell was that?"
joe: "Oh she's my mistress."
Wife: "I'm divorcing you tomorrow."
joe: Please think about it. You and I have a great life together and maybe you shouldn't divorce me because I have a new toy. If we divorce I don't think we can separately afford the shows, the cruises, the country club or two houses as nice as the one we have."
So joes wife is actually thinking about it, and while she is along comes another young girl to where frank and his wife are having dinner. A few words and a kiss.
joes wife: "What was that?"
joe: Oh, she's franks mistress.
joes wife, after much more thought: "Ours is prettier."
joes wife, who has a great vocabulary and doesn't ever swear, says "What the hell was that?"
joe: "Oh she's my mistress."
Wife: "I'm divorcing you tomorrow."
joe: Please think about it. You and I have a great life together and maybe you shouldn't divorce me because I have a new toy. If we divorce I don't think we can separately afford the shows, the cruises, the country club or two houses as nice as the one we have."
So joes wife is actually thinking about it, and while she is along comes another young girl to where frank and his wife are having dinner. A few words and a kiss.
joes wife: "What was that?"
joe: Oh, she's franks mistress.
joes wife, after much more thought: "Ours is prettier."
A man in Bulgaria drove trains for a living....
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
dustin ray
Veteran member
A little girl says to her mother:
"Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"
"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."
So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"
And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the morning. Carry on, dear."
"Well," says the little girl, "Daddy told me to stay downstairs while they went upstairs, but I followed them without Daddy seeing me, and I saw them hugging and kissing at the top of the stairs. Then they went into your bedroom and shut the door, but I went up and looked through the keyhole."
"Clever girl," purrs Mummy. "What could you see through the keyhole?"
"I saw them hugging and kissing some more, and then they started to take each other's clothes off, and they carried on until they had nothing on, and then the lady got on the bed and Daddy got on top of her."
"Yes?" says Mummy. "And then what happened?"
"Then they did what you and Uncle Jack did when Daddy was in Vancouver last year," says the little girl confidently
"Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"
"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."
So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"
And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the morning. Carry on, dear."
"Well," says the little girl, "Daddy told me to stay downstairs while they went upstairs, but I followed them without Daddy seeing me, and I saw them hugging and kissing at the top of the stairs. Then they went into your bedroom and shut the door, but I went up and looked through the keyhole."
"Clever girl," purrs Mummy. "What could you see through the keyhole?"
"I saw them hugging and kissing some more, and then they started to take each other's clothes off, and they carried on until they had nothing on, and then the lady got on the bed and Daddy got on top of her."
"Yes?" says Mummy. "And then what happened?"
"Then they did what you and Uncle Jack did when Daddy was in Vancouver last year," says the little girl confidently