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JimP
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dirtclod Az.
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JimP
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That was from all the rain back in 2017Is that JimP on an Az. backroad?Kinda muddy buddy!
The Wailing Wall
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down to the wall, and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home and in the afternoon I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.
The old man replies, calmly: . . . "Like I'm talking to a wall."
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down to the wall, and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home and in the afternoon I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.
The old man replies, calmly: . . . "Like I'm talking to a wall."
dustin ray
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JimP
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Jack Daniels trick
A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper.
The counselor asks, "What's the problem?
The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses
his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband
is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and swish it in your mouth.
Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.
She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started
to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down.
How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that?
The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick."
A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper.
The counselor asks, "What's the problem?
The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses
his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband
is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and swish it in your mouth.
Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.
She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started
to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down.
How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that?
The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick."
JimP
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Last Nickel
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels
to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is
panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting
at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion,
she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the
counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles
and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds
the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her
seat in the coffee bar without saying a word
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the
woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before,
it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?
"No," the woman replied...."Divorce attorney.” {I also heard an IRS auditor can do the same thing}
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels
to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is
panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting
at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion,
she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the
counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles
and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds
the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her
seat in the coffee bar without saying a word
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the
woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before,
it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?
"No," the woman replied...."Divorce attorney.” {I also heard an IRS auditor can do the same thing}
A little kid asks his father....
"Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" "Both, son, God is both." After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?" "Both, son, both." "Daddy, does God love children?" "Yes, son, he loves all children." The child returns a few minutes later and asks, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
"Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" "Both, son, God is both." After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?" "Both, son, both." "Daddy, does God love children?" "Yes, son, he loves all children." The child returns a few minutes later and asks, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.
He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.
The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "Think we should tell him it's a septic tank?"
He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.
The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "Think we should tell him it's a septic tank?"
JimP
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JimP
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