Philosophical help please

[NDHunter]

I'm going a little off-topic today but hear me out.

What does a person really mean when they say "not to be rude..." or "no offense but..." or "don't take this personal..."? If I say "don't take this personal but your wife is really ugly", how is a guy supposed to take that? It's totally personal so why would I expect a guy NOT to take it personally? Or if I say "no offense but you really suck at your job and should be fired." Assuming the guy thought he was good at his job, wouldn't a guy naturally find that offensive? I guess people are trying not to be mean but if you're going to tell a person something negative, you might as well just say it and not hide behind one of the phrases I mentioned. One of my colleagues recently made a "not to be rude" type of statement. I just don't get it. Nobody ever says "don't take this personal but you did a great job today." I would assume nobody ever says that because it makes absolutely no sense at all and yet people will do it in a negative way.

Sorry fellas for my rant here. It's just something I've thought about for a while. Anybody care to chime in?

 

[Umpqua Hunter]

Don't take this personal, but I think you make a good point

 

[packmule]

With all due respect, it's just something a person says when they like to hear theirself talk bc they think their opinion matters, yet don't want to be toting a butt whoopin'.



For example: Don't take this the wrong way, but your (a general "your")sister is hawt! It's a compliment, yet people have been shot for less.

 

[ivorytip]

im usualy undecisive but im not sure today..... i see your point

 

[Musket Man]

With all due respect is a military term and the proper way to address certain situations. For example you would not just tell your superior officer "your an idiot", you would say "sir, with all due respect, you are an idiot".

And never under any circumstances talk about how hot anyone's sister is! lol

 

[Fink]

"I said with all due respect!!!" ~Ricky Bobby

 

[packmule]

And never under any circumstances talk about how hot anyone's sister is! lol

If they find issue with the comments they obviously took it the wrong way. They were warned not to take it that way!

 

[wolftalonID]

If you follow your initial separation statement with "but", than you just contradicted that separation and mean exactly the opposite, as words have meaning and "but" is a reversal word.

So anyone that uses the word "but" has in a sense lied to you.

use the word "however" in its place to then properly present your perspective of thought, so to lay the meaning correctly. That shows you see their stand, and yours as separate points of view on the same topic.

Most of us don't understand the difference and also when we do, myself included, don't make the effort to speak correctly to avoid the offense....

lastly offenses are always taken......never given. Obscenities, and degrading remarks are given, never taken. Food for thought.

 

[hardstalk]

"I said with all due respect!!!" ~Ricky Bobby

Classic!

Its simply a cock block for a rebuttal. I use these terms frequently on forums because everyone wants to argue about nothing. By using one of the above mentioned terms it leaves people twiddling their thumbs and trying to find a response without looking like an ass.

"In my opinion, and not to be rude or sound like a a-hole or argumentative by any means. I think that mathews bows look like waffles.."

Hard to respond to that without leaving me a spot to interfere and make ya look silly...

 

[hardstalk]

Kinda like this one.

 

[Never in Doubt]

Some people think or pretend they are being helpful by trying to be honest. "No offense, but your wife has a bald spot". Or "wow, don't take this the wrong way, but that's a really small buck you shot". lol

There's a time and a place for honesty, but sometimes if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In other words, shut up.

 

[Bitterroot Bulls]

There is room for those types of prefaces on internet forums. You use them when you are giving somebody "tough love" advice, and are genuinely trying to help.

For instance ... hypothetically speaking:

If someone came on the forum with a rant about a terrible experience you could reply with:

"Don't take this personally, but if you changed the tone of your posts you might get more helpful answers."

Now the preface lets the poster know your advice is not about THEM but rather about POSTS. Without the preface, the intent of the advise is muddied up by the personal nature of the statement.

It is no guarantee they will see the advise as you intended it, but they might indeed PERSONALLY be an apple-hole, and you can't do anything to help that.

Now if you are being a jerk, but are using it just to make yourself look less like a jerk ... then you're just being a bigger jerk.

 

[Fink]

There is room for those types of prefaces on internet forums. You use them when you are giving somebody "tough love" advice, and are genuinely trying to help.

For instance ... hypothetically speaking:

If someone came on the forum with a rant about a terrible experience you could reply with:

"Don't take this personally, but if you changed the tone of your posts you might get more helpful answers."

Now the preface lets the poster know your advice is not about THEM but rather about POSTS. Without the preface, the intent of the advise is muddied up by the personal nature of the statement.

It is no guarantee they will see the advise as you intended it, but they might indeed PERSONALLY be an apple-hole, and you can't do anything to help that.

Now if you are being a jerk, but are using it just to make yourself look less like a jerk ... then you're just being a bigger jerk.

Hypothetically speaking, this post makes me LOL.

 

[NDHunter]

Now if you are being a jerk, but are using it just to make yourself look less like a jerk ... then you're just being a bigger jerk.

Well said. I think that's part of what I was thinking too.

 

[Musket Man]

If they find issue with the comments they obviously took it the wrong way. They were warned not to take it that way!

LOL! I say stiff like that to my girlfriends brother all the time just to watch him look all confused while he is trying to think of a comeback! Doesnt mean I would recommend anyone else try it.

 

[HuskyMusky]

I think it's one of those "constructive criticism" things... which of course we know some people can handle and appreciate, and others get fuming mad and insulted.

If you don't take constructive criticism well I'd interject and say "stop right there..."

 

[tdcour]

This sounds a little like the "bless your heart" thing my wife and most of the south says... I personally think that its just trying to find a nice way to say something not so good. I don't use the saying, but have heard it numerous times and I think there are times when the saying may fit like... I know you drive a ____ (insert vehicle manufacturer), and no offense, but I don't like their engines. If you are talking about someone, then that is a different deal in my opinion.

 

[packmule]

This sounds a little like the "bless your heart" thing my wife and most of the south says....

That's the worst cut-down there is in the South!

 

[Ikeepitcold]

"I said with all due respect!!!" ~Ricky Bobby

Hahahhahahha

 

[Ikeepitcold]

I'm going a little off-topic today but hear me out.

What does a person really mean when they say "not to be rude..." or "no offense but..." or "don't take this personal..."? If I say "don't take this personal but your wife is really ugly", how is a guy supposed to take that? It's totally personal so why would I expect a guy NOT to take it personally? Or if I say "no offense but you really suck at your job and should be fired." Assuming the guy thought he was good at his job, wouldn't a guy naturally find that offensive? I guess people are trying not to be mean but if you're going to tell a person something negative, you might as well just say it and not hide behind one of the phrases I mentioned. One of my colleagues recently made a "not to be rude" type of statement. I just don't get it. Nobody ever says "don't take this personal but you did a great job today." I would assume nobody ever says that because it makes absolutely no sense at all and yet people will do it in a negative way.

Sorry fellas for my rant here. It's just something I've thought about for a while. Anybody care to chime in?

I think you answered yourself. But don't take that the wrong way.