jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
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JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
The teacher said...
Let's begin by reviewing some history. Who said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death!'?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good! "Who said: 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth!'?"
Again, no response except from Little Akio:
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
"Excellent!" said the teacher continuing. "Let's try one a bit more difficult.
"Who said, 'Ask not what your Country can do for you, but what you can do for your Country'?"
Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said:
"John F. Kennedy, 1961."
The teacher snapped at her class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."
She hears a loud whisper:.. "F--k the Japs."
"Who said that? I want to know right now," she angrily demanded.
Little Akio put his hand up,
"General MacArthur, 1945."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Little Akio says,
"George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, the same student yells, "Suck this!"
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher. "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,
*"Damn, we’re screwed."*
Little Akio said quietly,
"Chuck Schumer when Trump got elected in 2016."
Let's begin by reviewing some history. Who said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death!'?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good! "Who said: 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth!'?"
Again, no response except from Little Akio:
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
"Excellent!" said the teacher continuing. "Let's try one a bit more difficult.
"Who said, 'Ask not what your Country can do for you, but what you can do for your Country'?"
Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said:
"John F. Kennedy, 1961."
The teacher snapped at her class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."
She hears a loud whisper:.. "F--k the Japs."
"Who said that? I want to know right now," she angrily demanded.
Little Akio put his hand up,
"General MacArthur, 1945."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Little Akio says,
"George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, the same student yells, "Suck this!"
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher. "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,
*"Damn, we’re screwed."*
Little Akio said quietly,
"Chuck Schumer when Trump got elected in 2016."
JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
A firefighter climbs the ladder to the bedroom of a burning house.
In the bedroom he finds a beautiful young woman.
"Ah", he says, "you're the third pregnant girl I've rescued this month".
The young woman says, "But, I'm not pregnant!"
The firefighter replies, "You're not rescued yet."
In the bedroom he finds a beautiful young woman.
"Ah", he says, "you're the third pregnant girl I've rescued this month".
The young woman says, "But, I'm not pregnant!"
The firefighter replies, "You're not rescued yet."
A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force. "In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough.
The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared. (At this point, several of the children giggle.) I looked up, and right above me was one of them.
I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me."
At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company".
"That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."
The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared. (At this point, several of the children giggle.) I looked up, and right above me was one of them.
I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me."
At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company".
"That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."
AOC gave a Q&A Townhall meeting in an
effort to try to quell the remarks being made about her being dumb.
One attendee asked her about her thoughts on "Corporate America" getting too big and profit hungry.
She replied, "I definitely think corporations are getting too big and money hungry. I mean, for example, take the Amazon River. What's next? Lake Facebook? Mount PayPal?.
effort to try to quell the remarks being made about her being dumb.
One attendee asked her about her thoughts on "Corporate America" getting too big and profit hungry.
She replied, "I definitely think corporations are getting too big and money hungry. I mean, for example, take the Amazon River. What's next? Lake Facebook? Mount PayPal?.
A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest,"bless me,father,for i have sinned. "i was with seven women last night"
The priest is silent for a moment,then says "go home and cut seven lemons in half. squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.
"And i`ll be forgiven?" asks the man.
"No." replies the priest ,"but it will wipe that smirk off your face."
The priest is silent for a moment,then says "go home and cut seven lemons in half. squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.
"And i`ll be forgiven?" asks the man.
"No." replies the priest ,"but it will wipe that smirk off your face."
Female Prayer:
Before I lay me down to sleep ,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.
Male Prayer:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
Amen
Before I lay me down to sleep ,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.
Male Prayer:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
Amen
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. . "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute".
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute".
they always are, if you follow GODS rules.Hope our prayers are answered.
that's why all I got is the boat.
still, life is good, I'm going fishing!!
I went to the Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the winshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the winshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.