jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
Hello Friends,
I have the distinguished honor of being a member of the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton.
We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for her two faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Barack Obama, who never told the truth, because frankly, Hillary never could tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on someone else’s money, magnificent to say the least.
We will be contacting you shortly to discuss your donation.
Thank You,
The Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee
PS: The Committee has raised $32.16 so far. Actually, someone did donate $1,000,000 but did it thru the Clinton Foundation. The Foundation sent the $32.16 on to us with the Clinton Foundation keeping the balance for "administrative costs."
I have the distinguished honor of being a member of the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton.
We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for her two faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Barack Obama, who never told the truth, because frankly, Hillary never could tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on someone else’s money, magnificent to say the least.
We will be contacting you shortly to discuss your donation.
Thank You,
The Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee
PS: The Committee has raised $32.16 so far. Actually, someone did donate $1,000,000 but did it thru the Clinton Foundation. The Foundation sent the $32.16 on to us with the Clinton Foundation keeping the balance for "administrative costs."
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
same stuff all politicians blow out their posteriors.Is that methane Gas?
Erectile dysfunction is something that needs to be addressed more seriously.
The problem is rising.
My landlord wants to talk to me about my high heating bills every month.
I said, “Sure. My door is always open.”
I was in a bar last night and ordered a rum and coke .
bartender asked," is pepsi ok?" sure", I answered.
he came back ,set down my drink and said ," here's your pepsi and coke. that will be 12.95."
The problem is rising.
My landlord wants to talk to me about my high heating bills every month.
I said, “Sure. My door is always open.”
I was in a bar last night and ordered a rum and coke .
bartender asked," is pepsi ok?" sure", I answered.
he came back ,set down my drink and said ," here's your pepsi and coke. that will be 12.95."
PRIEST'S RETIREMENT SPEECH
You need to go to Confession to appreciate this story
Make sure you live by the last line!
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish.
A leading local figure and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
"Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor! I got my first impression of this parish from the first confession I heard here.
I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set, and when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss's wife; had sex with his boss's 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity, and gave VD to his sister-in-law.
I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things
But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late.
He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk:
"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,"
said the politician.
"In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.”
Moral: Never, never be late!
You need to go to Confession to appreciate this story
Make sure you live by the last line!
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish.
A leading local figure and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
"Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor! I got my first impression of this parish from the first confession I heard here.
I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set, and when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss's wife; had sex with his boss's 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity, and gave VD to his sister-in-law.
I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things
But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late.
He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk:
"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,"
said the politician.
"In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.”
Moral: Never, never be late!
Proof FOR purchase
A little lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three
cans, but was told by the clerk, " Sorry, but
we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat.
Too many seniors are buying cat foot to eat. Management
wants proof that you are buying this for your cat."
The lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat
food.
The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was
again told she couldn't buy them without proof. The
lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food.
One day later, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid and
asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier
said, "No, you might have a snake in there."
The lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that
would harm her. The cashier put her finger into the box,
quickly pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells
like crap!"
The lady replied, "It is. I want to buy two rolls of
toilet paper."
A little lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three
cans, but was told by the clerk, " Sorry, but
we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat.
Too many seniors are buying cat foot to eat. Management
wants proof that you are buying this for your cat."
The lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat
food.
The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was
again told she couldn't buy them without proof. The
lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food.
One day later, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid and
asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier
said, "No, you might have a snake in there."
The lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that
would harm her. The cashier put her finger into the box,
quickly pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells
like crap!"
The lady replied, "It is. I want to buy two rolls of
toilet paper."
JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
JimP
Administrator
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
JimP
Administrator
After seeing this one I thought about having one done with a javelina jaw and call it saber buck.