jocularity

[kidoggy]

Russia involved with US elections again

Vladimir Putin and his staff jetted around America last Tuesday voting in various state elections since Democrats have declared being a citizen is not necessary to vote.

Putin declared "If thousands of Mexicans can vote in US elections, a few Russians aren't going to hurt anything."

The joke is on Democrats. Russians are red, not blue.

 

[kidoggy]

Government surveyors came to Ole's farm
in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying.
Ole agreed, and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.
The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole,
"Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you
this bad news in person instead of by letter."
Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"
The surveyors stated, "Well, after our work here,
we discovered your farm is not in Minnesota but is actually
in Wisconsin!"
Ole looked at Lea and said, "That's the best news
I have heard in a long time. I just told Lena this morning
that I don't think I can take another winter in Minnesota."

 

[JimP]

 

[JimP]

 

[kidoggy]

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.
She finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard...let's see how THEY like it!

 

[dirtclod Az.]

Why were there bullet holes in the mirror?A blonde tried to kill herself.
kidoggy must be hunting again today, I so threw one out there...kiddirtcod Az.

 

[JimP]

New

Did you hear?

Caitlyn Jenner has found a new love interest. Caitlyn's new "date" is also a transgender person although he was born as a biological female. The very ironic thing about this new couple is where the two met.
It was at a swap meet.

 

[kidoggy]

Relationships are a lot like algebra.

Think about it this way, have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

 

[kidoggy]

Is this religious or political?

“Heaven has a wall and strict immigration policies, Hell has open borders.”

 

[kidoggy]

Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.

"Just don't tell Dad" she says.

Hey, it's working thinks Little Johnny.

An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: "Dad, I know everything."

Dad gives Johnny $100. "Don't tell Mom" he says.

Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. "I know everything, Mister."

The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says:

"Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug."

 

[dirtclod Az.]

Start Sat.with a giggle.Now for X-Mas shopping.

 

[kidoggy]

Start Sat.with a giggle.Now for X-Mas shopping.

dang!!! it's about 37 days to soon for that nonsense. last year I got everyone I know a car freshener at the local quick stop.

not all were happy but they smelled better.


this year ,I was thinking forever stamps.

they good forever

 

[kidoggy]

Young Chines couple, Honeymoon night ,

Neither had ANY experience in Nuptials.... she quickly runs to the bedroom and gets under the covers, giggling.

HE is standing at the foot of the bed undressing.

Thinking quickly, he says" I do anything you want me to do, you just tell me what you want me to do!"

she thinks for a moment, then slowly smiles and whispers " I want you make number sixty-nine"

his expression goes blank, and he looks puzzled..."you want....... Beef and Brockory?"

 

[dirtclod Az.]

Another chuckle...I start X-mas shopping in early Oct.,Simple stuff..A can of Pringles+one for me.A bag of Swedish fish + one for me etc.Now I'm 10lbs overwieght and my spareroom is full of emergency rations in case X-Mas is cancelled and we have a Nor-Easter in Az. I'm A Fart Smeller'...I MEAN smart feller'.

 

[kidoggy]

When I die, I want to go like my grandfather,

peacefully, in his sleep.
Not yelling and screaming, like the people in his car.

 

[kidoggy]

An old man is walking in Amsterdam and passes a hooker standing at her door. She says to him: "Hey Granddad, why don't we give it a try?"

He says: "No thank you. That is no longer possible for me."

It was a slow night, so the hooker says: "Oh, come on, what have we got to lose; let's give it a try."

So, they both go inside and he acts like the young man he used to be.

"Oh my goodness," says the hooker breathlessly afterward, "I thought you said sex was no longer possible for you."

Says the old man: "Oh, my body is still highly capable; it's the paying that is no longer possible."

 

[dirtclod Az.]

Welcome to my world.

 

[dirtclod Az.]

A blonde decided to paint a room.When her husband got home,he asked why are you wearing an Alaskan and Winter coat?She replied,The can said for best results apply 2 coats.

 

[kidoggy]

Sex Is Like A Gas Station

Sometimes You Get Full Service

Sometime You Have To Ask For Service

And Sometimes You Have To Be Happy

With Self Service

 

[JimP]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .
“I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.”
“Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”