jocularity

[kidoggy]

A father and son go fishing one summer day. While they are out in their boat, the boy suddenly becomes curious about the world around him. He asks his father, 'Dad, how does this boat float?'

The father replies, 'Don't rightly know son.'
?

A little later, the boy looks at his father and asks, 'Dad, how do fish breath underwater?'
Once again the father replies, 'Don't rightly know son.'

A little later, the boy asks his father, 'Dad, why is the sky blue?'
Again, the father replies, 'Don't rightly know son.'

Finally, the boy says to his father, 'Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?'
The father replies, 'Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'.

 

[ScottR]

I am seeing a couple days where Kidoggy must have been hunting, I think he needs to double up....

 

[kidoggy]

lol. always leave em begging for more.




Ben and Colin are two elderly gentlemen who live in New York State who love going fishing together. They decide to do some 'ice fishing'. Since neither have experienced it before, Ben suggests that going north into Canada might be a good idea and Colin agrees so off they go. On arrival they find the lake is frozen nicely.

They stop just before they get to the lake at a little local bait shop and buy all their tackle. Colin comments, 'Hey, Ben, we're going to need an ice pick.'

So they purchase that and stride to the lake. After about two hours, Colin returns to the bait shop saying, 'We're going to need another dozen ice picks.'

The shopkeeper is surprised and wants to ask some questions, but he doesn't. He sells the fisherman the picks, and the old boy leaves.

About an hour later hour, Ben arrives at the shop, 'We're going to need all the ice picks you've got.' The bait man can't stand it any longer. 'Say man,' he asks, 'how are you two fellows doing?'

'Not very well at all,' mutters an irritated Ben, 'We haven't even got the boat in the water yet.'

 

[kidoggy]

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he walked alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging toward him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes.

Looking over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear, right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike. At that instant the atheist cried out, without thinking, "Oh my God!..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to now count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light and answered, "It would be hypocritical for me to be a Christian after all these years; but, perhaps, you could make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The River ran again. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw...brought both paws together....... bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

 

[kidoggy]

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their
retirement home reminiscing. The first old lady
recalled shopping at the green grocers and
demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness
of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to
be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the
size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a
piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word
you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking
about.

 

[kidoggy]

..............

 

[Fttpow]

Two guys were speeding down the highway in their car. They were pulled over by the State Patrol. The officer got out, approached the car and asked for the driver's license and registration. After the driver handed him this, the officer pulled out his nightstick and struck him over the head telling him to stay in the car. He then went back to the cruiser and wrote him out a ticket for speeding. When he approached the driver to hand him the ticket he struck him with the nightstick again and told him not to move. The officer then went to the passenger's side of the car and tapped on the window, telling the passenger to roll his window down. The passenger cautiously rolled his window down and the officer reached in and struck him over the head with his nightstick, too. The passenger was stunned and asked the officer, "What did you hit me for?" The officer said "I'm granting you your wish." Passenger "What wish was that?" Officer " I knew you'd get about a mile down the road and say," Man, I wish he would have hit ME like that!" "

 

[kidoggy]

It was a Tuesday when the judge passed a verdict against a certain lawyers client. On Wednesday the lawyer rushed into the judges chambers. ” Your honor I just found out new information and I would like to file an appeal.” “What did you find out?”, asked the judge. The lawyer responded “well I found out my client has another $5000 dollars.

 

[nv-hunter]

Tag your it

 

[kidoggy]

a tag and a chance to get a better look at that freaky lookin lil thang???

it's a no brainer, coarse I would shoot it!!!!!

 

[tim]

hopefully, this makes you laugh.
respect the spectra!

 

[kidoggy]

i'm surprised that lil ol kia can handle the weight.

whose the chick that kilt the moose?

 

[kidoggy]

Overheard at the Psychiatrist's Office

"So, tell me again why you resent your parents, Lesby Anne..."

 

[kidoggy]

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from an airplane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."

After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping

 

[kidoggy]

A mean lookin' cowboy was sitting by himself in a Saloon. He was a pretty intimidating sight, so no one bothered him as he downed a few whiskey and beers. After chugging his last drink he slammed some coins on the tabletop and got up to leave. Right after he left though he came storming back in and said,

"Listen up you mangey bastards" and everyone, terrified, immediately fell silent.

"Someone done took my horse. Now here's what's gunna happen. I'm gunna order me another drink, finish it, and when I walk back outside this time my horse BETTER be there or else I'm gunna do what I did in Texas... and believe me, I don't want to do what I did in Texas!"

Like he said, after he finished his drink he walked outside and sure enough, someone had returned his horse. He was getting on it when one of the bar patrons ran up to him and sheepishly asked,

"Sir I don't mean to bother you but I just have to know, what did you do in Texas?"

The cowboy looked at him square in the eyes and replied,

"I walked home".

 

[Fttpow]

A man from an eastern big city decided to leave it all behind and move to a remote ranch out west. His nearest neighbor was 10 miles away. After a few months of solitude his day was interrupted by the sound of a horse approaching his ranch house. His nearest neighbor rode up and introduced himself and welcomed him to the area. He told him he was going to have a party at his ranch to welcome him to the area. "There'll be drinking, dancing, gambling and wild sex". After thinking about it, the newcomer asked "What should I wear?" The rancher replied " It don't matter, it's just gonna be the two of us."

 

[kidoggy]

A medieval Knight had to go fight a great battle

So......he fitted his wife with a Chastity Belt and gave his best friend the key.

"If I don't return after a year, release her so she can live a normal life"
he told the friend as he handled over the key. then the Knight jumped on his horse and rode off to battle.

An hour later, a horse rushed up behind him. It was his best friend.

"You gave me the Wrong Key!"

 

[kidoggy]

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert, near a gas station that was closed for the night.
They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The gas pump, of course, did not respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.
The older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you."
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.
Pissed off at the haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and gruffly said, "Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire."
The older alien again warned his comrade, saying, "You probably don't want to do that. l really think that will make him mad."
"Rubbish," replied the cocky young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared toward them and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mass, about 200 yds. away, in a cactus patch.
A half hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his 3 eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big green head.
"What a ferocious creature," exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me. How did you know he was so dangerous?"
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, it's that you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear!"

 

[kidoggy]

Two good old boys from the south were driving a truck through the back roads of West Virginia when they came to an overpass with a sign which read, "CLEARANCE: 11' 3". They got out and measured their rig, which was 12 feet 4 inches tall. "What do you think?" said one as they climbed back into the cab of the truck . The driver looked to his left then to his right, checked the rear view mirrors, then shifted into first gear. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance," he said

 

[Fttpow]

A hillbilly girl went out on a date with a guy by the name of Clarence. About an hour later she came back home with her hair messed up and her dress torn. Her Daddy asked what happened. "Oh, Pa Clarence tried to have his way with me!" Pa "That's it boys. Grab yer guns!" They piled into the back of the old pickup truck with guns bristling. As they bounced down the dirt road they came to a bridge. Pa locks up the brakes and they all pile up against the cab as the truck comes to a stop. "What's the matter Pa? I thought we were going to even the score with Clarence." Pa "No son, lookie at that sign on the bridge. It says-Clarence 11'3". He's too big for us!"