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My son asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

Pulled out a nose hair today to see if it really hurt. Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the bus, I'd say it really hurts!

Earthquake in Vermont. Roads not affected.

GOVERNMENT JOB. DUE TO CUTBACKS......... WE HAVE TO FIRE JOSE.

"What's your dream job?" Well, in my dreams, I don't work.

HOW TO FOLD LAUNDRY LIKE ME: 1. FOLD IT IN HALF. 2. FOLD IT IN QUARTERS. 3. PUT IT ON THE PILE. 4. WATCH AS MY WIFE ANGRILY REFOLDS IT.

Apple's Pregnant Man Emoji is officially available today in every skin color. This way people of all races can show the world they failed biology.