jocularity
- Thread starter kidoggy
- Start date
JimP
Administrator
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
dustin ray
Veteran member
wife: what's wrong honey why are you crying?
husband: remember when I got you pregnant and you were only 17
wife: that was a long time ago honey
husband: remember I was 18 and your dad said I marry you or do 20 years in prison?
wife: yes I remember so what?
husband: I would have gotten out today.
husband: remember when I got you pregnant and you were only 17
wife: that was a long time ago honey
husband: remember I was 18 and your dad said I marry you or do 20 years in prison?
wife: yes I remember so what?
husband: I would have gotten out today.
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says.
“My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch...”
“My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch...”
JimP
Administrator
I Will Miss Her
I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me.
I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.
I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me.
I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.
JimP
Administrator
Quickie in the Bushes
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'
He asks her 'Shall we?'
She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I 'll hold the
Pigeon down and you shit on its head.'
AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'
He asks her 'Shall we?'
She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I 'll hold the
Pigeon down and you shit on its head.'
AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
I told her: "I might not be rich. I have no money or villa or cars or companies like my friend John, but I love you and adore you.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and hugged me like there is no tomorrow and whispered in my ear... :
"If you love me, introduce me to John."
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and hugged me like there is no tomorrow and whispered in my ear... :
"If you love me, introduce me to John."
A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.
Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.
Nun: I think that would be okay.
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)
Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)
Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own blanket.
Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.
Nun: I think that would be okay.
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)
Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)
Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own blanket.
JimP
Administrator
I have often wondered why it is that the conservatives are called the "right" and the liberals are called the "left."
By chance stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:
Ecclesiastes 10-22 (NIV):
"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left."
By chance stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:
Ecclesiastes 10-22 (NIV):
"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left."
dirtclod Az.
Veteran member
Bonecollector
Veteran member
Funny and True.
I know this is the joke thread, but the Bible does mention this in passage, but it's not in the reference provided as there is no Ecc. 10-22.
