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Thread: jocularity

  1. #301
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    Crumpled Money.......

    While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband, in a very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
    "No," said her husband.

    She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft,
    silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

    He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

    She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"

    "Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.

    She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties...
    and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

    He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

    "Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"

    He said, "No!," trying to hide his anticipation.

    She said, "Check the garage."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  3. #302
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    The operations manager at the Tickle Me Elmo doll factory met with his factory foreman and asked how things were going. The foreman said their new doll tester wasn't working out and they need to fire her because the dolls were piling up. The manager said "Let's go take a look" and they walked out to see a huge pile of dolls waiting to be tested. When they looked closer at what the lady was doing they started to laugh. She was cutting long strips of red fabric and sewing them between the Elmo dolls legs and attaching two marbles. The foreman stopped laughing long enough to tell the lady "No, no, I told you to give them a couple 'Test Tickles'"

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  5. #303
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    President Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

    A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts, “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

    Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”

    Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald.... duck!”
    Trying like hell to live the dream,Nomad

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  7. #304
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    Cleveland, OH (AP) - A 7 year old boy was at the center of a court room drama yesterday when he challenged the court’s ruling of who should have custody of him.
    The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and was initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
    The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beats him more than his parents, and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he should live with his grandparents, the boy cried and then stated they beat him also.
    After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life for them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
    After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Cleveland Browns, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone, ever.

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  9. #305
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    After his wife had a baby, the new minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair and approved it.
    When the next child arrived, the minister appealed, and again, the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation voiced their unhappiness over the increasing expenses.
    The minister stood up and shouted "Procreation is an act of God!"
    An old man in the back stood and shouted back, "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  11. #306
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    A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, there’s a beautiful girl, nude, lying on the bed. She says, “Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the president of the board arranged for you.” The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the Temple Board and says, “Greenberg, what were you thinking? Where’s your respect? I am the moral leader of our community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this.” The girl gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her and says, “Where are you going? I’m not angry with you.”
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  13. #307
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    No end to teh sexual allegations:

    I just read of a professional who lost his job: after 7 yrs of medical school and training he has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

    He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.

    What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans. This just goes to show you one minor mistake can ruin your life unfairly. Thoughts and prayers for him and his family.

    The article says he really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  15. #308
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    My girlfriend said to me the other day ..

    "Why did God give women cramp pains , and men nothing !!"

    I laughed and replied , " Don't be silly , he gave us women."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  17. #309
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    For three years, the young attorney had been

    taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter.

    Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

    “Helen, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”

    “Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’ about whether we’d rather have a bastard in the family, or a lawyer.”
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  19. #310
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    That's when the fight started!!
    My wife said she had blisters on her hands from using the broom all day. I told her "Next time take the car".......that's when the fight started.
    Trying like hell to live the dream,Nomad

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