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Thread: jocularity

  1. #521
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    When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  3. #522
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    Obama claims to have visited all 57 States
    Hillary claims she visited all 6
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  4. #523
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    Just goes to show how dumb some folks are. Man is mauled to death attempting to take a self with a wounded bear.
    Witness says the deceased went fist to claw! Seriously!

    The Hindustan Times also reported the bystanders "were busy shooting the incident on their mobile phones instead of trying to rescue him." Insane!!! Not sure who is worse.

    Then this...
    ""Institute of Information Delhi said India topped the list of countries with selfie-related deaths, with 76 deaths from March 2014 to September 2016.""

    Ugh...


    http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/...RBV?li=BBnbfcL
    Last edited by Bonecollector; 05-08-2018 at 07:14 AM. Reason: spelling

  5. #524
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    no pleasing her...
    My wife called today and said the dishwasher was leaking...

    so i came home with tampons...

    i'm sleeping on the couch tonight
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  7. #525
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    What’s red and bad for your teeth?

    A brick
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  8. #526
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    Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

    Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

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  10. #527
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    Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.

    The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."

    The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  12. #528
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    The Cruel Sea ...

    The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff Irishman answered his door to find two grim-faced constables.
    "We're sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen,” said one of the officers.
    "Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O’Flynn asked.

    The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
    Fearing the worst, Mr. O’Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."

    The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay."
    "Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O’Flynn. Swallowing hard, he then asked, “What could possibly be the good news?"

    The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

    Stunned, Mr. O’ Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"
    The constable replied, “We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  13. #529
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    Last night I was walking home and decided to take a short cut past the cemetery... 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were really scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them "I understand... I used to be freaked out too when I was alive..."
    Never seen anyone run that fast!
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  15. #530
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    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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