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Thread: jocularity

  1. #1461
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    If they bring home shrimp on shrimp boats,
    and fish on fishing boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
    The Captain's dinghy.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  3. #1462
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    A man's wife just had a baby today and after thanking the doctor he sheepishly pulled him aside and asked, "How soon will we be able to have sex?"
    The doctor winked and said, "I'm off duty in 20 minutes, meet me in the parking lot."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  5. #1463
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    A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. a huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

    Following the eulogy the heart opened up and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside forever.

    At that point one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes started at him he said "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral, I'm a gynecologist "

    The proctologist fainted.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  7. #1464
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    I went to the Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
    When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
    So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
    He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!

    So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
    He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

    This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the winshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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  9. #1465
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    I'm seeing double..... but I still laughed.

  10. #1466
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bonecollector View Post
    I'm seeing double..... but I still laughed.
    I think he was checking to see who was awake.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  12. #1467
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    Yoda was setting the table for supper one night. He looked at Luke and said, "May the fork be with you."

    Later, during the meal, Yoda noticed how Luke was able to cut a thick steak with only the use of that same fork. Proud of the young apprentice, he looked over at Obi Wan and said with a smile, "The fork is strong with that one."

    THANK YOU! I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT!

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  14. #1468
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    A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

    She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".

    She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

    "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

    She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that, number 1, you have to be single and number 2, you must be Catholic."

    The ! cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!

    "OK" the Nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

    The nun fulfills his fantasy with a passionate kiss. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

    "My dear child," said the Nun, why are you crying?"

    "Forgive me for I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

    The Nun says, "That's OK.

    My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Costume party."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  16. #1469
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrandonM View Post
    Yoda was setting the table for supper one night. He looked at Luke and said, "May the fork be with you."

    Later, during the meal, Yoda noticed how Luke was able to cut a thick steak with only the use of that same fork. Proud of the young apprentice, he looked over at Obi Wan and said with a smile, "The fork is strong with that one."

    THANK YOU! I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT!
    I tried three times to press the thanks button...but just couldn't do it for this level of "Dad Joke."
    https://www.eastmans.com
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    https://www.instagram.com/eastmanshuntingjournals/

  17. #1470
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScottR View Post
    I tried three times to press the thanks button...but just couldn't do it for this level of "Dad Joke."
    well then , here's a gem you'll appreciate.

    Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

    He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her. So, the rival florist hired HUGH Mac Taggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so.

    The Moral of the Story: Wait for it....

    Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars !!
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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