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Thread: jocularity

  1. #251
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    Quote Originally Posted by Timberstalker View Post
    #244, I?m never loaning anyone money!
    dangnab it. I were gonna try an borrow a hunerd bucks from ya. with ya bein from bend oer I thought it might be doable
    Last edited by kidoggy; 01-09-2018 at 07:31 AM.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  2. #252
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    Ha ha sorry bud, ain’t happenin!

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  4. #253
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    Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

    After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

    The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
    The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

    As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  6. #254
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    My friend Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

    He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.

    Tom wanted two things:

    • to learn how to invest his inheritance and,
    • to find a wife to share his fortune.

    One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

    "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

    Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

    Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.

    Women are so much better at estate planning than men…
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  7. #255
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    Quote Originally Posted by kidoggy View Post
    My friend Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

    He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.

    Tom wanted two things:

    • to learn how to invest his inheritance and,
    • to find a wife to share his fortune.

    One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

    "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

    Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

    Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.

    Women are so much better at estate planning than men…

    Ha! Lady’s do the strangest things. Lol
    I go to the Mountains to loose my mind and find my soul.

  8. #256
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    Q: What’s a good holiday tip?
    A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  10. #257
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    A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

    There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

    The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

    They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

    Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

    "OK, I give up. Where's the bloody ship?
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  12. #258
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    “A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant-- about 4 months, would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?" Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!" The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?" The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!”
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  14. #259
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    Bad decisions make good stories.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  15. #260
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    hawian underwear sales skyrocket after false missile scare.

    the islanders dropped much bigger loads then the lil rocketman will ever be capable of.
    Last edited by kidoggy; 01-13-2018 at 07:34 PM.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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