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Thread: jocularity

  1. #1611
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    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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  3. #1612
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    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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  5. #1613
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    A young lady asks her grandfather what he'd like for his 80th birthday. He says that, more than anything else, he'd like to eat at a certain Parisian cafe he remembered fondly.
    She makes arrangements, buys plane tickets, reserves a hotel with a view of the Eiffel Tower, etc. She contacts the owner of the cafe, explaining that her grandfather hasn't been to Paris since World War II, and really wants to reminisce at the cafe.
    They arrive and everything goes swell. The cafe is just as he remembered. The young waitress is the splitting image of her grandmother. The food is exquisite as is the wine. When it's time to pay the bill, the owner declares that he couldn't possibly charge the old soldier who had served so bravely in the War.
    The old man, very grateful, replies, "Vielen Dank f?r das wundervolle Essen."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

  6. #1614
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    Confucius say -

    Woman who put husband in doghouse...……..soon find him in cathouse!
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

  7. #1615
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  9. #1616
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    Quote Originally Posted by JimP View Post
    keeps the air fresh.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

  10. #1617
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  12. #1618
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    Quote Originally Posted by JimP View Post
    I'd a knocked her ass out!
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  14. #1619
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    Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

    The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

    Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

    Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

    Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

    The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

    Jack took the money.
    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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  16. #1620
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    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

    After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.


    ****************************** *
    MALE PROCEDURE:
    1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    2. Put down your car window.
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6. Put window up.
    7. Drive off.

    FEMALE PROCEDURE:
    (What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)

    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
    8. Insert card.
    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of check book.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Re-dial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.
    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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