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Thread: jocularity

  1. #1031
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    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

    The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

    He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

    The group fell silent for a moment.

    The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

    The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  3. #1032
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    A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

    She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

    Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

    Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up.

    The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.

    Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!"

    The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  5. #1033
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    one day a florist went to a barber
    for a hair cut when done asked for the bill
    the barber replied no charge
    I`m Doing Community Service This Week
    the florist was pleased and left the shop
    the next morning was a thank you note plus dozen roses waiting
    later a police officer enters for a cut,
    the barber again refuses payment as he`s doing his community service
    the cop thanks leaves
    as before next morning opening shop is a card and dozen donuts
    then a congressman comes in for a cut
    asking about the bill the barber says he cannot accept
    payment as he`s doing community service, the congressman very happy leaves
    next morning upon opening shop waiting were a dozen congressmen
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  7. #1034
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    Procrastinators unite................tomorrow.

    There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.

    I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.

    Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about entirely.

    My mother always said: "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said,"oh yeah...................just you wait."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  9. #1035
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    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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  11. #1036
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    Quote Originally Posted by JimP View Post
    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337Z using Tapatalk

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  13. #1037
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    Since some folks have decided that "Baby it’s Cold Outside" should be banned and pulled from radio playlists, we feel that these other holiday songs must also be removed as they are offensive as well.

    I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: subjecting minors to softcore porn; infidelity 

    White Christmas? Racist

    Santa Claus is Coming to Town: Sees you when you’re sleeping? Knows when you’re awake? Peeping Tom stalker 

    Do You Hear What I Hear: blatant disregard for the hearing impaired

    Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer: Come on the name says it all! Reckless driving, attempted murder, elder abuse!
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  15. #1038
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    My psychiatrist uses shock treatment.
    He gives me the bill in advance.
    One time, I thought I had turned into a can of deodorant. But I wasn't Sure.
    My psychiatrist has helped me a lot. Before, I was afraid to answer the phone. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
    For my birthday, my psychiatrist sent me a bag of fruit. It came shrink-wrapped.
    The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas.
    Psychiatrist to nurse: "Just say we're very busy." Don't keep saying, "It's a madhouse in here
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  17. #1039
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    A little girl is in line to see Santa
    When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.
    Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
    The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
    Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
    "No," said the little girl."
    "She comes with G.I. Joe."
    "She fakes it with Ken."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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    If my wife comes to bed nude it's ON, but when it's me at the end of the bed naked she's all "what are you doin, we're at Mattress City."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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