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Thread: jocularity

  1. #1631
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    Quote Originally Posted by muleyfool View Post
    A jealious husband suspects his wife is having a affair. He leaves work early one afternoon and sneaks up to his apartment on the seventh floor. He opens the bedroom door to find his beautiful wife in bed naked and covered in sweat. He rushes to the open window and sees a man running down the fire escape putting on his clothes.
    In a furied rage he picks up the kitchen refrigerator and throws it out the window, hitting the man as he reaches the sidewalk.
    The jealious husband realizing what he had done has a massive heart attack and dies.
    At the pearly gates a man in front of him askes " how did you die?" the jealous husband replies " I had a heart attack when I killed a man that was having sex with my wife. How about you?". The man said " funny thing, I was late for work and trying to make time by taking the fire escape when a refigerator landed on me". The husband turned to the man behind him and asked the same question and heard "well you see, I was hiding in this refrigerator...?."
    sounds like an episode of threes company. you know the one where there was some sort of misunderstanding?
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  3. #1632
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    Quote Originally Posted by kidoggy View Post
    sounds like an episode of threes company. you know the one where there was some sort of misunderstanding?
    Don't recall that episode.
    But I'm thinking could be some poor bast..d trying to cool off after doin his business,drinking a beer while in the frige had one hell of a ride.

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  5. #1633
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    joe is having dinner at the country club with his wife. Along comes a sweet young thing who whispers a few words in joes ear, kisses his cheek, and moves on.
    joes wife, who has a great vocabulary and doesn't ever swear, says "What the hell was that?"
    joe: "Oh she's my mistress."
    Wife: "I'm divorcing you tomorrow."
    joe: Please think about it. You and I have a great life together and maybe you shouldn't divorce me because I have a new toy. If we divorce I don't think we can separately afford the shows, the cruises, the country club or two houses as nice as the one we have."
    So joes wife is actually thinking about it, and while she is along comes another young girl to where frank and his wife are having dinner. A few words and a kiss.
    joes wife: "What was that?"
    joe: Oh, she's franks mistress.
    joes wife, after much more thought: "Ours is prettier."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  7. #1634
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    When is Father’s Day?

    Nine months before Mother’s day.


    OJ is out .
    when asked about his plans for future he said he was thinking of running in 2020.
    he said he'd really like to take a stab at it.
    Last edited by kidoggy; 06-17-2019 at 06:08 AM.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  9. #1635
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    A man in Bulgaria drove trains for a living....
    He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
    Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.
    Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.
    "You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
    The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  11. #1636
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    Four secrets of a happy marriage.
    1. Find a woman who can cook and clean.
    2. Find a woman who is an animal in bed.
    3. Find a woman with lots of money.
    4. Make sure none of these 3 women ever meet each other.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  13. #1637
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    -----------Click image for larger version. 

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    Trying like hell to live the dream,Nomad

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  15. #1638
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    Quote Originally Posted by dustin ray View Post
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    I get more beer since my pig of a dog died.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  17. #1639
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    A little girl says to her mother:

    "Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"

    "Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

    So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

    And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the morning. Carry on, dear."

    "Well," says the little girl, "Daddy told me to stay downstairs while they went upstairs, but I followed them without Daddy seeing me, and I saw them hugging and kissing at the top of the stairs. Then they went into your bedroom and shut the door, but I went up and looked through the keyhole."

    "Clever girl," purrs Mummy. "What could you see through the keyhole?"

    "I saw them hugging and kissing some more, and then they started to take each other's clothes off, and they carried on until they had nothing on, and then the lady got on the bed and Daddy got on top of her."

    "Yes?" says Mummy. "And then what happened?"

    "Then they did what you and Uncle Jack did when Daddy was in Vancouver last year," says the little girl confidently
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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  19. #1640
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    Maxine Waters and AOC find three grenades

    and they decide to take them to a police station.

    One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

    The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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