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Thread: jocularity

  1. #1551
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    My favorite,a warm mud bath with corn and peanuts mixed in!

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    My next door neighbors are such childish idiots. They've been smirking at me all day and when i finally confronted them and asked what the problem was,....
    they told me they could hear me and my wife having frantic, loud sex last night cause the bedroom window was wide open.
    Well Mr and Mrs smartypants, the joke's on ‘YOU”....
    cause I wasn't even at home last night.
    Ha!




    I recently bought a toilet brush.

    To make a long story short, I'm going back to toilet paper.
    Last edited by kidoggy; 05-16-2019 at 06:19 AM.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

  3. #1553
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirtclod Az. View Post
    My favorite,a warm mud bath with corn and peanuts mixed in!
    ........
    Click image for larger version. 

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    When all the trees have been cut down, when all the animals have been hunted, when all the waters are polluted, when all the air is unsafe to breathe, only then will you discover you cannot eat money.

    Cree Prophecy

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    Anyone here want to buy a raffle ticket?
    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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  6. #1555
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    Whoever has my voodoo doll...

    please pull its hand out of its pants.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

  7. #1556
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    Paraprosdokians
    First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

    1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it
    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still on my list.
    3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
    5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
    6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
    8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
    9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
    10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."
    11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
    12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
    13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
    14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
    15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian; any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
    16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
    17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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  9. #1557
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    What do a Blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
    They're both empty from the neck up.

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    OK Kidoggy what's your reason for missing your main calling
    in life,(Morning Jocularity)? Bear,Turkey,Fishing? Hmmm...

  12. #1559
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    Quote Originally Posted by dirtclod Az. View Post
    OK Kidoggy what's your reason for missing your main calling
    in life,(Morning Jocularity)? Bear,Turkey,Fishing? Hmmm...
    estate sale . liquidating the accumulation from my parents lives. been great fun.


    I know 5 people who are clinically insane.
    I'm two of them...
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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    There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?"

    A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you."

    Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?"

    "It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time."

    "What do you do all day?" asked Martha.

    "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m."

    Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?"

    "Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha."

    "Well, then, where are you?"

    "I'm a rabbit in Arizona."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION


    tolerance of the nation ,makes the nation an obamination !

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