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Thread: jocularity

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    A man driving into town one day sees a priest hitch-hiking so of course he offers him a ride. A lil further down the road the man spots a tree hugger standing next to road holding a sign saying “Stop the hunting.” He hates tree huggers but cant hardly be rude with a priest riding shotgun, so he decides to fake dozing off and drive past. As he nears the man his eyes close slightly and he hears a loud THUD!!! He alertly comes to and says “oh my god did i hit that guy?” Priest says “nope but ya got close enough I could get em with the door!!!!”

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    Signs your son is too old for breast-feeding:

    - He can open your wife's blouse by himself, with one hand.

    - While sucking on one breast, he fondles the other.

    - He keeps slipping dollar bills in your wife's panties.

    - He uses her breast milk as creamer for his coffee.

    - After each feeding, he has a smoke.

    - He often invites his friends over for a sip.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  4. #1133
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    Loose Nut behind the Wheel!

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    A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
    The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
    The man replied...
    "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
    Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
    Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
    BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..

    ..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"
    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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  8. #1135
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    Thats NOT a happy camper>

  9. #1136
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    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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    Quote Originally Posted by JimP View Post
    excellent! says it all!
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  12. #1138
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    A cop pulled me over on the road; I was speeding. He said: "Papers.". I said: "Scissors, I win!" and drove away."


    Escaped Convict An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it! Be strong and I love you." After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck....He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  13. #1139
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    I just released my own fragrance

    But nobody on the elevator seems to like it, lol. Someone choked and said "OMG! what the hell is that smell?"
    I call it 'path_o_logical', I said.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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    If you don't care where you are, you are not lost....

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