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Thread: jocularity

  1. #11
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    Fink that's an oldie and goodie!

  2. #12
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    If Russia attacked Turkey from behind
    Would Greece help?
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  3. #13
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    yestiddy I were buying beer at the local grocery store.

    the young checkout gal ASKED ME, " got any ID?"
    I answered, " bout wut!"
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  4. #14
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    At an auction in Mumbai a wealthy Indian announced that he had lost his wallet containing $10,000 and would give a reward of $100 to the person who found it.

    From the back of the hall a person shouted, “I’ll give $150!”
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  6. #15
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    A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Verde, Fla. exactly the way the pros do it.

    The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short, into the water.

    Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.

    Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old, cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer.

    However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming out from the clouds, saying: "Wait! Replace that old ball with a brand new one."

    The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition. This could be 'divine guidance'.

    As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again: "Wait. Step back. Take a practice swing."

    So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true.

    The voice boomed out again: "Take another practice swing."

    Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited ...

    A long silence followed ...

    Then the voice again: "Use the old ball."
    My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

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  8. #16
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    This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home I stopped at the gas station and this drop dead gorgeous blonde was filling upher car at the next pump. She glanced over and looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice,

    "I'm a big believer in the barter system, big boy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?"

    I thought it over for a few seconds and responded.....

    "Maybe. How much ammo ya got?"
    My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

  9. #17
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    Two old ladies were walking down the street with their dogs in tow when one says to the other, "lets have a drink in the bar". The other lady says " they won't let us in with the dogs", to which the first lady replies "Just follow my lead".
    She puts her sunglasses down and walks in when the bar tender hollers out "Sorry lady, no pets allowed." She responds "Sorry sir but this is my service dog as I am blind". The bar tender was a little suspicious since it was a Doberman but allowed her to stay.
    Seeing this, the second lady followed in with her sunglasses on and immediately the bar tender hollered "sorry lady no pets". The lady spoke up that this was her service dog since she was blind. The bar tender this time wasn't convinced since her dog was a Chihuahua and said "I'm sorry but I have never seen a Chihuahua as a service dog". The lady yelled out "Those a-holes gave me a Chihuahua??"
    The bar tender allowed her to stay.

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  11. #18
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    Really enjoying this thread. Thanks guys.

  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hilltop View Post
    Really enjoying this thread. Thanks guys.
    thank you. don't be shy jump right in.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  13. #20
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    My wife converted me to religion.

    Until I married her, I didn't believe in Hell.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

 

 
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