Page 20 of 21 FirstFirst ... 1018192021 LastLast
Results 191 to 200 of 205

Thread: jocularity

  1. #191
    Eastmans' Staff / Moderator
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    3,871
    Thanks
    253
    Thanked 2,171 Times in 948 Posts
    Congratulations
    38
    Congratulated 152 Times in 67 Posts

    This thread is kind of a morning pick me up, watching for Kidoggy's stand up routine every day...
    www.eastmans.com
    blog.eastmans.com
    www.wingmen.us

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to ScottR For This Useful Post:


  3. #192
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    143
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 34 Times in 26 Posts
    Congratulations
    1
    Congratulated 1 Time in 1 Post
    That CEO was not too bright. 4 times $300 is $1200 not $1600. Jokes on him even worse. Hahaha

  4. #193
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    idaho
    Posts
    1,214
    Thanks
    279
    Thanked 505 Times in 335 Posts
    Congratulations
    258
    Congratulated 54 Times in 22 Posts
    This 85 year old couple, having been
    married almost 60
    years, had died in a car crash. They had been in
    good health the last ten
    years mainly due to her interest in health
    food, and exercise.

    When they reached the pearly gates, St.
    Peter took them to their
    mansion which was decked out with a beautiful
    kitchen and master bath suite
    and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and
    aahed" the old man asked Peter how
    much all this was going to cost.


    "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

    Next they
    went out back to survey the championship golf course that the
    home
    backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each

    week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf

    courses on earth.

    The old man asked, "what are the green fees?".


    Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

    Next
    they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with
    r
    the cuisine's of the world laid out.

    "How much to eat?"
    asked the old man.

    "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it
    is free!" Peter
    replied with some exasperation.

    "Well,
    where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man
    asked
    timidly.

    Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as
    much as you
    like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you
    never get sick.
    This is Heaven."

    With that the old man went
    into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat
    and stomping on it, and
    shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried
    to calm him down,
    asking him what was wrong.

    The old man looked at his wife and
    said, "This is all your fault. If
    it weren't for your blasted bran
    muffins, I could have been here ten
    years ago!"
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  5. #194
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Auglaize County, Ohio
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 12 Times in 7 Posts
    Congratulations
    1
    Congratulated 0 Times in 0 Posts
    One night as Bob was in his bed, he died in his sleep. When he got to the Pearly Gates he pleaded with St. Pete that he wasn't ready to die and would do anything to go back to earth and be alive. St. Pete allowed him to go back to earth but only as a chicken in a hen house. Poof! Bob awoke as a chicken surrounded by other chickens in a hen house.
    A big rooster approached Bob. "You're new here aren't you?"
    Bob, "Yes I just arrived."
    Rooster. "Well if you're gonna stay in this hen house you'll have to earn your keep and lay an egg."
    Bob, "How do I do that?"
    Rooster, "How should I know? Go talk to some of the hens. But, if you don't lay an egg soon, you're out of here."
    Bob found some hens and asked them how they laid their eggs and what he had to do.
    Hen, "Just do what comes natural. Just strain yourself a little. With a little effort you'll lay an egg in no time."
    Bob went over to an empty nest and sat on it. He strained a little and nothing happened. He strained some more and felt some movement. He really put some effort into it until his face turned red and with great effort, laid his first egg. Oh my gosh, that was great! Bob was so proud of himself that he laid an egg and could now stay in the hen house. He thought that if laying one egg felt so good that he'd see if he couldn't impress the rooster and lay another. Bob tried. He pushed. He strained. He strained again until his face got red and he gave a loud groan.
    Suddenly Bob felt himself getting slapped and brought back to his senses.
    It was Bob's wife, "Bob! BOB! Wake up, you're crapping in the bed!"

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fttpow For This Useful Post:


  7. #195
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Auglaize County, Ohio
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 12 Times in 7 Posts
    Congratulations
    1
    Congratulated 0 Times in 0 Posts
    I rode my bicycle to the liquor store the other day for a bottle of Scotch. I put it in the basket for the ride home. I then thought that if I fell off my bike, I might break the bottle, so I drank it all before continuing. It's a good thing I did. I fell off my bike 7 times on the way home.

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Fttpow For This Useful Post:


  9. #196
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    idaho
    Posts
    1,214
    Thanks
    279
    Thanked 505 Times in 335 Posts
    Congratulations
    258
    Congratulated 54 Times in 22 Posts
    I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

    ♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

    ♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

    ♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

    ♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

    ♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

    ♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

    ♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

    ♦ Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.

    ♦ You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

    ♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

    ♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

    ♦ I can't understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

    ♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.

    ♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 175 pounds I've gained since then.

    ♦ Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks!

    ♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something.

    ♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

    ♦Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

    ♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kidoggy For This Useful Post:


  11. #197
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    idaho
    Posts
    1,214
    Thanks
    279
    Thanked 505 Times in 335 Posts
    Congratulations
    258
    Congratulated 54 Times in 22 Posts
    probly risky in todays PC era but nothing ventured ...


    pick-up line

    What's the only pick-up line guaranteed to work every time?
    Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?






    wife- do these pants make my posterior look big?

    husband - no but your posterior makes those pants look small!!
    Last edited by kidoggy; 12-10-2017 at 08:02 AM.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  12. #198
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    idaho
    Posts
    1,214
    Thanks
    279
    Thanked 505 Times in 335 Posts
    Congratulations
    258
    Congratulated 54 Times in 22 Posts
    put your hand over your mouth."
    Johnny: "What, and get bitten?"

    Teacher: "Can you name an animal that lives in Iceland?"
    Johnny: "A reindeer."
    Teacher: "Very good. Can you name another animal?"
    Johnny: "Another reindeer."

    Teacher: "Where's the English Channel?"
    Johnny: "I don't know. My TV doesn't pick it up."

    Teacher: "What's a comet?"
    Johnny: "A star with a tail."
    Teacher: "Very good. Can you name one?"
    Johnny: "Mickey Mouse."

    Johnny: "I can't go to school today. I don't feel well."
    Dad: "Where don't you feel well?"
    Johnny: "In school."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to kidoggy For This Useful Post:


  14. #199
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    idaho
    Posts
    1,214
    Thanks
    279
    Thanked 505 Times in 335 Posts
    Congratulations
    258
    Congratulated 54 Times in 22 Posts
    the bodies of donald and daisy duck were found in city park last night

    cops suspect fowl play.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kidoggy For This Useful Post:


  16. #200
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Reno Nv
    Posts
    7,219
    Thanks
    2,599
    Thanked 1,549 Times in 1,085 Posts
    Congratulations
    699
    Congratulated 704 Times in 116 Posts

    Quote Originally Posted by Fttpow View Post
    I rode my bicycle to the liquor store the other day for a bottle of Scotch. I put it in the basket for the ride home. I then thought that if I fell off my bike, I might break the bottle, so I drank it all before continuing. It's a good thing I did. I fell off my bike 7 times on the way home.
    Hahahahah good thing
    ... because every picture tells a story

 

 
Page 20 of 21 FirstFirst ... 1018192021 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •