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Thread: jocularity

  1. #61
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    Two hunters are out in the woods

    One of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
    “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?”
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  3. #62
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    What do you call......a dog with no legs?

    it doesn't matter because he won't come anyway.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  4. #63
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    My 9-year-old nephew showed me with pride the "Telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans....



    I pulled out my cellphone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in japan !"
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  6. #64
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    Religious Cowboy

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a wolf walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the wolf's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the wolf. "Your name is written inside the cover."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  7. #65
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    A Trump voter, Hillary voter and a Bernie voter all lived in the same house. Last Tuesday morning the house burned to the ground. Why was the Trump voter the only one to survive? Well, Tuesday is a work day.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  9. #66
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    Democrats are smart, but only when

    a Republican is President.
    My reasoning--
    A democrat is President, a radical muslim shoots up an Army base while yelling "allahu akbar", and democrats say "We may never know the motives for this."
    A radical muslim shoots up a nightclub while telling the 911 operator. who he called during the shooting, that he was doing it for islam, and democrats say, "We may never know the motives for this."
    A republican is President, a white nationalist drives a car into a crowd of radical democrats and within minutes democrats say, "We know the motive for this."
    You democrats should always vote republican, it's the only time your brains seem to work.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  11. #67
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    Father and son cannibals spot a beautiful girl showering naked under a waterfall. The son asks: "Shall we take her home and eat her?" "No," says the father. "We'll take her home and eat your mother."
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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  13. #68
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    What is hardest week of the year 4 Democrats? the hardest week of the year for Democrats is the week between Christmas and new years when there are no more nativity scenes to protest, and 1st graders aren't back in school learning proper condom usage



    eez funny cause eets true
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  14. #69
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    Nature called all day yesterday.

    I am wiped.
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

  15. #70
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    Ode to John and Lorena Bobbit

    (Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
    Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John.
    A poor Ex-Marine with a little fraction gone
    It seems one night after getting with the wife
    She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.

    Penis, that is.
    Clean cut.
    Missed his nuts.

    Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side
    And Lorena's in the car taking Willie for a ride
    She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
    And tossed him out the window as she came around a bend

    Curve, that is
    Tossed the nub.
    In the shrub.

    She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
    And they called out the hounds just to get his Weenie back
    They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there!"
    To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.

    Found, that is
    By a fence.
    Evidence.

    Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
    So a dick Doc said, "Hey I can fix that dong."
    A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need
    And the whole world waited 'til they heard that Johnny peed

    Whizzed, that is
    Even seam,
    Straight stream

    Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
    With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short
    They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
    And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape

    Video, that is
    Unexposed.
    Case closed.
    Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear....
    AS GOES THE CHURCH, SO GOES THE NATION

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